


Deku's Decent | BNHA | BakuDeku | TodoDeku | Quirkless AU

by HayleyStarr



Category: my hero - Fandom, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drug Use, M/M, My Hero Academia - Freeform, Quirkless, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, bakudeku, tododeku - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2019-12-29 21:38:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 40,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayleyStarr/pseuds/HayleyStarr
Summary: "Get out, damn Deku" Katsuki growled. Izuku's skin went cold."b-but Kaachan... you said y-you'd give me a lift ho..." Izuku trailed off. Katsuki turned to face out of the car "you're pissing me off, leave before I kill you."Izuku bit his lower lip, tears springing to his eyes again. No matter how many times Kaachan did this to him, it still hurt. Kaachan had been using him like this ever since Izuku had started at Tokyo U.---Deku & Kaachan have entered Tokyo University, they haven't seen each other since before middle school. Now Deku is Kaachan's play thing, to be used whenever he sees fit. Can anyone save Deku from Kaachan and the other darkness threatening to take him?This is set in a sad quirkless world.---WARNING - Suicidal thoughts, Self harm, Rape, Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse both physical and mental, Depression, Bad Language❗️ If any of this is a trigger to you or makes you upset in anyway,  then please don't read this. If you ever need some to talk to, come drop me a message on Instagram @corrupt.kitty





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first proper story on here, please let me know what you think of it, I'd love to hear from you.

The rain lashed down on the windscreen of the car, windows fogged up by the two boys inside. The car was tucked away behind the University, in a dark corner where hardly anyone ever went, especially at this time of day. The sun had mostly set and the car was already engulfed in darkness, nestled up close to a building.

It was silent apart from the rain and the blonde boy's occasional moans and growls. The blonde had one hand tightly wrapped around the steering wheel, knuckles white and the other gripped in the messy dark green hair in his lap, controlling the pace at which the smaller boy serviced him.

Katsuki lent his head back against the driver's seat, letting out a moan with his eyes shut. He knew he was getting close. Izuku's jaw had begun to hurt and his back ached from the awkward position he was pinned in. He panted while trying to keep the pace being set by the boy above.

Izuku could feel the hardness in his pants, and the ache that filled his entire body, wanting so badly to feel something pleasurable but knowing he'd get nothing. It was torture, as it always was with Kaachan. But the blonde's scent filled the car, wrapping itself around Izuku, intoxicating him.

The grip in the boys green hair suddenly got tighter and Izuku's eyes flew wide as Katsuki shoved his head down, forcing himself all the way to the back of Izuku's throat. Izuku gagged unable to breath or pull away as Katsuki rammed into the back of his throat over and over again. Izuku's eyes began to stream with tears and he tried to push himself away, clawing at Katsuki's legs and trying to get ahold of the hand that held his head in place.

Izuku's vision started to blur from lack of oxygen just as Katsuki released, so far in his throat that it bypassed his mouth completely. The hand gripping the back of his head let go and Izuku pulled away quickly, gasping In air and coughing with his eyes scrunched up tightly. He quickly wiped away the tears and saliva from his face before chancing a glance at Kaachan.

Katsuki had already put himself away and done up his pants, and he was glaring daggers at Izuku.

"Get out, damn Deku" Katsuki growled. Izuku's skin went cold.

"b-but Kaachan... you said y-you'd give me a lift ho..." Izuku trailed off. Katsuki turned to face out of the car "you're pissing me off, leave before I kill you."

Izuku bit his lower lip, tears springing to his eyes again. No matter how many times Kaachan did this to him, it still hurt. Kaachan had been using him like this ever since Izuku had started at Tokyo U.

Katsuki and Izuku had been best friends growing up in their hometown, but Katsuki had moved away to Tokyo just before they started elementary school. They had kept in contact but over the years Katsuki had been replying less often.

When Izuku found out Katsuki was applying to Tokyo University Izuku made it his life's mission to get in as well. He succeeded, far beyond what he thought he would, receiving a full scholarship to attend.

However when he told Katsuki he'd be attending the same University as him, all communication stopped. Izuku had been distraught, his childhood best friend and crush seemed to have been completely cut off from him. He and his mother moved to Tokyo a few days before he started at Tokyo U, but Izuku hadn't been able to contact Katsuki and started class with a dark cloud following him everywhere he went.

The first few days at the university Izuku had kept a villagiant eye out for Katsuki but everywhere he looked for the boy he couldn't find him. He'd nearly given up and was losing hope thinking he may have decided on a different university in the end when he finally heard Katsuki's voice from across the food hall one afternoon.

Izuku's head snapped up and he'd stumbled to his feet, forgetting about his lunch and running towards him sliding to a stop at his table nearly crashing into it. Katsuki and his group had looked up at him, most sneering but some looking outright disgusted as they took in his appearance. Izuku had been overly aware of his tatty clothes and backpack as he looked around the table of beautiful and clearly wealthy students. Izuku hadn't been surprised that Kaachan had a group of friends like this. He had always attracted the wealthy, beautiful and powerful with his skills and brains.

"Kaachan..." he'd said breathlessly staring into his eyes. Katsuki's face had been blank at first but slowly twisted into a hate filled mask of anger. He had stood so quickly his chair clattered to the floor making Izuku jump and step hurriedly away from the table. Katsuki stormed into izuku's personal space grabbing his collar and glaring down at him. The students behind Katsuki had started laughing and shouting words of encouragement to Katsuki but Izuku couldn't comprehend what they had been saying, all he could do was focus on Katsuki, the boy he loved and the pounding of his own heart beat in his ears.

The look of pure hatred on Katsuki's face had made izuku's blood run cold and he had trembled, tears coming to his eyes.

"Deku..." Katsuki growled before throwing him to the floor. Izuku hit the floor with an almighty thud landing on top of his backpack which split with the force of hitting the ground and the angle Izuku had landed on it. The contents of the bag flew everywhere and Katsuki's friends bagan laughing even more loudly. The entire food hall had gone silent and was watching this display.

Izuku had began scrambling around trying to collect up all his belongings while Katsuki picked up his chair but then Katsuki's attention turned back to Izuku.

"Don't talk to me, fucking nerd. Don't look at me, shit, don't even think about me," he said with a stony expression before turning his back and closing down the conversation.

When Izuku had finally got all his belongings together he stood and ran out of the food hall, tears pouring down his face. Katsuki friend's laughed and shouted as he ran from the room but Katsuki didn't even glance over his shoulder to see the small boy leave.

That had happened at the start of their first year at Tokyo University, now half way into their second year things had only gotten worse.

Izuku pushed open the car door, shouldering his backpack. He moved slowly, hoping Katsuki might change his mind.

"Quit testing my patience and get the fuck out nerd" Katsuki murmured in an almost a whisper. Chills ran down Izuku's spine, knowing exactly what Katsuki was capable of when he was truly angry and he jumped out of the car as fast as he could head first into the pouring rain.

Izuku turned, trembling he watched as Katsuki drove off. He put his hand over his mouth suddenly feeling sick and turned around, running to wall and falling to his knees as he proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach against it.

He fell back onto his feet, panting and wiping at his mouth with his sleeve while trying to calm his breathing.

"Did he really taste that bad?" a voice came from the shadows behind him. Izuku bolted to his feet and stumbled away from the spot he'd heard the voice come from, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness.

"Who's there?" Izuku almost whimpered. There was a few moments silence before a boy stepped out of the darkness and stared at Izuku. Izuku's brain felt sluggish, he vaguely recognised the boy but couldn't place him. He had the most unusual hair, one side red and the other white. Oh and he was beautiful. Izuku gulped feeling a dark blush creeping up his face.

The boy held his hand out and gave a relaxed smile. "I'm Shoto Todoroki, nice to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Nothing
> 
> Notes  
> Chapter 2 is here, first few chapters are pretty short but they get longer. Please please please let me know what you think.

Izuku stared at the outstretched hand in front of him, eyes wide and unmoving while starting to tremble due to a combination of fear and cold. The rain was beginning to soak through the white t-shirt he was wearing and he hadn't brought a jacket. Todoroki held his hand out for a few moments longer before dropping it back to his side.

"Why don't you come over here?" Todoroki indicated the area next to him covered by a slight overhang of the nearby building, sheltering him from the rain. But the green haired boy didn't respond, he just stood there frozen in shock. Todoroki stood in silence for a few more heart beats before taking a few steps towards Izuku in the rain and raising his hand to put it on Izuku's shoulder. Izuku immediately cringed away from the boys outstretched hand and then stumbled passed him to the sheltered area breathing fast. He lent against the wall and looked around to get his bearings. To his right was a small sheltered car park located under the building, filled with a few cars and a couple of motor bikes, it was rarely used and most of the cars never moved.

Sliding down the wall Izuku sat on the floor with a thud and looked up at Todoroki. The boy was watching Izuku with a raised eyebrow as he took out a cigarette from a box and lit it, slipping the box and lighter back into his pocket, then took a long drag before breathing it out again.

"So, are you going to answer my question?" Todoroki said before taking another drag on the cigarette. His eyes roamed over Izuku, drinking in the sight of him, taking in his messy hair, soaking wet shirt & pants plus his scruffy backpack & shoes.

Izuku blushed a deep shade of red again and stared at the ground "Wh-what do you mean?" he mumbled, trying to act dumb.

Todoroki snorted before saying again with a chuckle "Did he really taste that bad?" he smirked down at the boy who had looked back up at him as he spoke.

Izuku started to panic internally, face turning white, not sure how he should react. He knew Kaachan would be very angry if anyone ever found out about their 'little games' as Kaachan sometimes put it. He made Izuku swear never to tell anyone about what the two of them got up to and so far he'd kept that promise. Izuku shook his head "I don't know what you're talking about..." he muttered looking back at the ground.

Walking towards the small trembling figure on the ground, Todoroki threw his cigarette aside and then crouched down right in front of Izuku. "I'm talking about how you, Izuku Midoriya, were just giving the infamous Katsuki Bakugo a..." he hesitated for a moment before carrying on "...a good seeing too, in his car on University property" he finished matter-of-factly.

Izuku's fingernails were digging so hard into his palms that they drew blood. His hands shook in his lap and he bit out "Please...please don't tell anyone" he took in a deep breath trying to steady himself before continuing "Please Todoroki-san, Kaachan will...he will..." Izuku couldn't finish but Todoroki got the idea.

Todoroki stood up, again looking down at the top of the boys head and allowed himself a quick grin before replacing the clam expression on his face "Fine I won't tell anyone Midoriya-kun" he said and Izuku looked up at him quickly, red rimmed eyes wide and face hopeful.

'He's so wrapped up in himself he hasn't even questioned how I know his name' Todoroki thought to himself with an internal smirk. 'Or why I'm hanging around a dark rainy corner on a friday night'.

He let out a sigh, "But, Midoriya-kun, you will need to give me a reason to stay quiet." Izuku's face rapidly turned from hopeful to fearful. "What do you want me to do Todoroki-san?" Izuku let out in a whisper barely audible over the rain.

Todoroki chuckled "First, stop calling me Todoroki, just call me Shoto," Izuku nodded and bit his bottom lip while looking up at Shoto. The sight of the boy sitting on the floor in front of him with that expression on his face and biting his bottom lip sent butterflies straight to Shoto's stomach. "O-okay S-Shoto-san". Shoto rolled his eyes 'Close enough. For now anyway.' Shoto thought to himself.

"Second..." he trailed off with a slight smirk loving how the pause had made Izuku unconsciously lean forwards towards him "come stay at my place tonight."

Izuku blinked, staring at Shoto blankly as his blood ran cold, his expression going blank. 'So he's heard the rumours about me, he thinks I'm a slut who will sleep with anyone and do anything they want. That or he just thinks I'm an easy target. At least he's hot I suppose. But can I do this? What if Kaachan finds out I've been with someone else. He'll be so angry. But then if I don't do this Shoto-san might start blabbing about me and Kaachan. Do I really have any other option..." Izuku's internal dialog babbled away inside his head for so long Shoto didn't think he was going the reply "Is that a no then?" Shoto asked making Izuku jump out of his reverie.

"Yes, I mean no! It's a yes, I... I w-will Shoto-san, if that's wh-what you want...," he stammered out and blushed looking away from Shoto, avoiding eye contact.

"Excellent!" Shoto clapped his hands together making Izuku jump again, 'He is so jumpy.. This is all that damn Bakugo's fault." He gritted his teeth and then relaxed, knowing that for now he would have to let it go.

Izuku clambered to his feet while asking "And this means you won't tell anyone about me and Kaach...I mean Katsuki?"

Shoto chuckled "For now, Green Eyes" he said smoothly smiling at Izuku who turned an even darker shade of red than before. "But you may need to keep me quiet regularly" Shoto winked. Before Izuku could protest however he continued "Come on then, follow me" he said while walking off into the car park, Izuku grabbed his backpack off the floor and hurried to catch up. They stopped level with a black motorcycle which had two helmets sitting on top of it.

"Why do you have two helmets?" Izuku asked and Shoto shrugged not answering the question as he handed one to Izuku. "I've never..." he looked down at the helmet and trailed off again. Shoto just chuckled and helped Izuku with his helmet before putting on his own.

"I'll get on first and then you get on right behind me, and place your feet here" he pointed at some pegs at the back of the bike and continued "and wrap your arms tightly around my waist, got it?" Izuku nodded hesitantly. Shoto Glanced at Izuku's bare arms and then slipped his bike jacket off before forcing it onto Izuku who tried to protest but lost. Shoto then swung his leg up over the bike and waited for Izuku.

He felt the smaller boy step up behind him and swing his leg over the bike before settling in place with his legs pushed against his and his arms gripping tightly around his waist. Feeling the boy so close after watching him for so long was better than any drug. He felt high from his touch, feeling like his body was on fire everywhere their bodies met.

Shoto shook his head trying to clear it, taking a deep breath and kicked the bike into life, trying to focus on driving instead of Izuku as he pulled out of the car park.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Foreplay, implied smut (?), accidental voyeurism
> 
> Notes  
> If you have made it this far, I'd love to hear from you! I have so much more planned, it's going to get very dark... Sorry, not sorry.

Shoto’s apartment was located a couple of miles away from the university, taking only a short time to get to on the bike while dodging between slow moving traffic. Izuku gripped Shoto’s waist tightly as they drove and Shoto felt giddy at the feeling, but the ride was over far too quickly for his liking and soon Shoto was pulling into the small underground car park attached to his apartment block.

They climbed the stairs to Shoto’s first floor apartment and entered into the small living area. Izuku was extremely nervous, fiddling with his hands and looking all around the place as he walked through the front door, he was so distracted he nearly forgot to take his shoes off.

“Welcome to my place” Shoto said leading the way into the main area “It’s not much, but I couldn’t stand living with my father anymore so I picked the first place I came across.” Shoto stood in the middle of the living area and watched Izuku as he took in his surroundings. It wasn’t much, a small living area with a two seater sofa across from a TV, a kitchenette along one wall and a dining table currently covered in books & papers with two chairs. There was also a small balcony and an open door leading to the bed room. Izuku blushed when he saw the large double bed sitting in the bedroom and diverted his attention quickly away from it.

Shoto stood quietly watching Izuku and the many emotions playing across his face, he could tell the boy was extremely nervous about being here.

“So,” Shoto said breaking the silence and making Izuku jump slightly “Dinner.” He said bluntly and walked over to the kitchen. “Are you happy with whatever I can rustle up?” Shoto began looking through cupboards and into the fridge. Izuku just watched him, frozen in place and unsure how to react to this situation. Shoto shut the fridge and looked over at Izuku.

“What?” he said frowning slightly.

“I...don’t know…” Izuku trailed off while gesturing at the room vaguely. Shoto chuckled. 

“Why don’t you just sit on the sofa and wait while I cook dinner?” Shoto said gently, and after thinking it over Izuku nodded stiffly and went to sit on the sofa looking extremely uncomfortable.

Shoto worked in silence, feeling it would be best to just let Izuku sit and process the situation and watch him work. He cut up meat and vegetables, boiled rice and soon the smell of curry filled the room. Shoto glanced at Izuku while he cleared off the dinning table of his school work and was delighted to see eager eyes staring back at him. 

“Hungry?” Shoto asked as he placed the dinner plates on the table. Izuku nodded smiling sheepishly as he moved to the table. Izuku’s eye flew wide as he saw what had been presented to him on the table. “Katsudon?!” he exclaimed with a squeal and sat down hurriedly. “Katsudon is my favorite” he murmured smiling shyly at Shoto. Shoto chuckled “Well I hope it lives up to your standards”.

They ate in mostly silence, Shoto watching Izuku closely, savouring the sight of him, trying to memorise every little detail about the messy green haired boy while Izuku’s attention was solely on his food. After they ate Izuku insisted he washed the dishes to say thank you for such a wonderful meal, so it was Shoto’s turn to sit back and watch Izuku. He sat and analysed the boy from head to toe, taking in his bare feet, tight black jeans, loose fitting white shirt, all the way up to his messy green locks on the top of his head. It was the first time since Izuku had gotten out of the car that he seemed mostly at ease and that made Shoto happy.

Izuku finished off the last dish and turned to face Shoto with a genuine smile on his face leaning back on the counter. Shoto smiled back at patted the space on the sofa next to him. 

This had clearly been the wrong thing to do. Immediately Izuku's body language changed, he tensed all over with the easy smile falling off his face and turning into a look of tight apprehension. Reluctantly Izuku walked over to the sofa and sat next to Shoto fidgeting with his fingers the entire time. 

Shoto frowned, not sure how to react to this sudden shift in mood. But izuku's brain had gone into overdrive mode, whirring away ‘Here we go, he wants something now. He wants me, why else would he have invited me here. He really thinks I'm a slut. Maybe I am? I don't know. Can I do this? Should I do this? What if Kaachan finds out?? I'll be in so much trouble. But if I act first at least I have some control, but what should I do? Should I hug him? No that's to bland. Kiss him? No no, far to forwards… I know…’

Shoto just watched Izuku, seated on the edge of the sofa having an internal debate with himself. Oh how Shoto wished he could read Izuku's mind, but instead he just sat and waited for the boy to decide on what to do next. 

Suddenly, Izuku moved, so quickly Shoto didn't even have time to react. He blinked and Izuku was straddling his lap, arms hanging limply at his side. Izuku was biting his lower lip so hard it looked like it might draw blood and shoto without thinking raised his hand ever so gently to izuku's cheek before brushing his thumb along his lips, making him release it.

The two boys stared into each other's eyes for what could have been seconds or eternity, neither of them knew. But Izuku's brain kicked back in and he whispered “don't you want me Shoto-san?” Izuku's cheeks flushing pink with the words. He slowly moved, hooking one thumb under his shirt pulling it up enough to show off his midriff and hooking the other in the waistband of his pants pulling them down revealing his hip bone. 

Shoto gulped and let out a shaky breath, his eyes drawn immediately downwards to where Izuku was pulling his pants down. He could feel himself getting hard and knew Izuku must feel it to, with how he was seated on top of him. 

His imagination started running wild, the thought of throwing Izuku onto his back, pinning him down, ripping all his clothes off and devouring him was driving Shoto crazy. Shoto slowly began to lean up to Izuku, inches away from his face however Izuku spoke in a trembling seductive whisper “This will keep you quiet right?”

A jolt went through Shoto and he lent backwards, blank faced and blinking at Izuku. 

“I won't disappoint you, I promise” he said panicking at the look on Shoto's face. But Shoto had come back to his senses, he shifted pushing Izuku off of him and stood up walking to the kitchen with his back to the other boy. Leaning on the counter top he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. ‘not like this’ he thought ‘not because Izuku feels like he has to, I want him to want me… so not like this’. 

Shoto stood silently trying to regain his composure. His back towards Izuku who had stood but hadn't moved, hands twisting at his sides as he watched the other boys back.

“I'm sorry Shoto, should I just keep quiet? Or would you like to shut me up? I don't care what you do to me, please use me however you want to, that's why I'm here right?” he said, the panic in his voice rising as he spoke.

Shoto took a deep breath and turned “is that what you thought I wanted when I invited you here? And you agreed to it that easily?” he spoke gently. 

Izuku began to tremble and wrapped his arms around himself tightly, “I don't understand” he whispered looking at the floor.

Shoto moved over to where Izuke stood, slowly as to not frighten the boy and carefully wrapped his arms around him. He smelt incredible Shoto thought to himself as he rubbed small circles on the smaller boys back. “I'm not going to deny I want you Izuku-kun and I can't deny the reaction my body had to you… ” he spoke in a whisper to the top of the other boys head “... But I would never do anything like that to you unless you explicitly gave me your permission and I know that it's what you want to do, do you understand?”

Shoto could feel Izuku shaking in his arms and stepped back to look at the green haired boys face. He was trying so hard not to cry but the tears fell anyway. “Why are you being so nice to me?” Izuku spoke with a slight hiccup. 

Shoto laughed “I guess that's just who I am” shoto shrugged. And looked at the small boy in front of him. “How about you have a shower, I can lend you some clean clothes and then you can get some sleep? We can talk more tomorrow” Izuku looked up at Shoto, red rimmed eyes wide and full of so many emotions. He hesitated but then nodded without saying anything, Shoto grinned and pulled him away to the bathroom.

Izuku had a long hot shower and then pulled on the spare clothes Shoto had given him. They were slightly to small for him, being old clothes of Shoto's from a few years ago, and sat low on his hips while the top showed off a lot of his midsection but Izuku didn't seem to notice, he was so sleepy.

Shoto grinned from his place on the sofa as Izuku walked back into the room, watching him rub at his eyes like a child and yawn. “I've made up my bed for you,” he pointed over his shoulder through the door “it's all yours, I'll sleep here”. 

“Eeh? How's that fair?” Izuku protested sleepy “I should sleep on the sofa.” Izuku tried to argue his case but was nearly asleep standing up, so Shoto stood up and dragged Izuku into the bedroom and gently pushed him down onto the bed. The green haired boy feel asleep almost immediately and Shoto chuckled as he tucked the blanket around him. ‘How on earth did I end up here?’ he smiled, gently stroking Izuku's hair before switching the light off and heading back to the living room. 

\----

The clock on the bedside table read 3:46am when Izuku rolled over and opened his eyes. ‘where am I …’ he thought his brain waking up slowly. ‘oh right, I'm in Shoto Todoroki's apartment… in his bed… ’ Izuku snuggled down deeper into the blankets and wrapped them closer to him, breathing in the scent of Shoto from the sheets ‘smells soo good’ he thought to himself feeling his cheeks burning. Izuku stopped moving suddenly eyes going wide. He could hear a noise coming from the other room, it must have been the noise that woke him up.

Quietly Izuku stood and tiptoed over to the bedroom door which had been left open and peered out of if and froze. He could just make out Shoto on the sofa, he'd thrown the blankets onto the floor and had one arm over his face the other… The other hand was busy down the front of his pants. 

Izuku clasped his hand over his mouth to stop himself from gasping, but he couldn't look away. Instead, he could feel him self growing excited at just the sight of Shoto touching himself.

Izuku stood, mesmerised by the sight of the boy laying on the sofa touching himself. He could hear slight moans and little pants all adding to his own excitement. And then all too soon it was over. Izuku could hear his heart beating In his ears and quickly padded back to bed, curling up into a ball and hoping he could get back to sleep. Instead he just lay there, playing the image of what he had just seen over and over in his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Kissing, anger, rage, the start of violence
> 
> Notes  
> No notes, just enjoy!

Saturday and Sunday went by in a blur. Izuku found himself spending the entire time at Shoto's house doing mundane and ordinary things like helping out with the laundry or doing school work. He felt safe for the first time in a long time. It felt like a lifetime ago when he was last able to be alone with another human being and not be scared for his safety. 

Being around Shoto was incredible, the boy never made a move on him even though it was clear to Izuku that Shoto liked him. He would catch him staring at him while they were working on their papers at the dining table or when they were cooking together. Each time Izuku would go scarlett red and Shoto would just chuckle before going back to whatever it was he was doing. 

The ease at which the two boys felt around each other seemed as natural as breathing, and Shoto found himself falling harder for the green eyed boy than he'd ever have thought possible. He knew he couldn't act on it though. If this were to lead anywhere it needed to be on Izuku's terms. But that didn't stop the ache he felt every time he looked at Izuku, or the urges that would wash over him at the most inopportune moments. 

Late Sunday evening the two boys were sat either end of the sofa watching some trashy hero film on the TV when Izuku spoke "Shoto-sa..." he cut himself off, shuffling around so he was looking directly at Shoto with a look of determination on his face. "Shoto," he said, this time dropping the honorific which made shoto smirk but he didn't say anything. "I... I want to try... something..." he stammered, not quite meeting Shoto's gaze. 

Shoto chuckled, 'what is he thinking' he thought to himself before saying, "what is it Izuku?" he said, also dropping the honorific which made Izuku blush. 

"It would just be easier to do it.. Do you trust me Shoto?" Izuku spoke with that same look of determination on his face, cheeks still pink. 

"Of course I do" Shoto nodded.

"Then, would you mind closing your eyes?" 

Shoto looked confused for a moment but obliged obediently, closing his eyes. He heard Izuku move, and then suddenly Izuku's lips were on his. Shoto's eyes flew wide seeing Izuku on all fours leaning in to kiss him, eyes shut with a look of concentration on his face. 

Shoto relaxed, his eyes fluttering closed. He raised a hand and gently placed it on Izuku's cheek. Izuku licked at Shoto's bottom lip, requesting entry making Shoto's lips part. Cautiously Shoto moved both his hands to Izuku's sides and gently pulled the smaller boy down towards him. Izuku stiffened at first but then relaxed into it, settling between Shoto's legs as they continued to kiss, taking it in turns to explore the others mouth. 

Both boys were feeling the effects of their kiss, a deep sensation of longing spread throughout Shoto's body and reluctantly he pulled away from the kiss breathing heavily. Overly aware that Izuku could probably feel the hardness in his pants pressing against him. Izuku rested his head against Shoto's chest, also breathing heavily, and Shoto wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, breathing in the scent of his hair. 

"That was unexpected" Shoto mused stroking Izuku's arm with his thumb as he spoke "but very enjoyable". He chuckled and kissed the top of the other boy's head, which made Izuku giggle. Shoto's face split into a wide grin, "You truly have the most adorable laugh" he said making Izuku blush. 

"I do not!" he said in protest trying to wriggle out of Shoto's grip so he could pretend to look annoyed but failing miserably as Shoto slide his hands down to Izuku's sides and began to tickle him making him laugh again. 

The two boys rolled around on the sofa, cuddling and kissing for so long that when one of them looked at the TV, it had gone to sleep. 

Izuku yawned, snuggling down into Shoto's arms again. This felt right, this felt perfect. It was everything Izuku wanted and more. How had he been so lucky to find someone like Shoto. 

Last night Izuku had slept on the sofa, insisting all day, that if he was to stay the night again he would not take Shoto's bed. He said that it was unfair to Shoto and that he hadn't offered more than one night. Shoto had given in eventually, but was delighted to find his sheets smelled of Izuku when he went to sleep that night. 

"I'm going to make a suggestion, hear me out" Shoto whispered, unintentionally right into Izuku's ear making him shiver. "Sleep in my bed tonight... with me," he said in a rush, "just sleep, nothing more, I promise". 

Izuku blushed but grinned and replied sheepishly "no cuddles?" Shoto let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and laughed. "We can do whatever you want to do, Izuku" Shoto said with emphasis on the you.

Nodding, Izuku untangled himself from Shoto and stood up, pulling Shoto to his feet too. He yawned and began rubbing his eyes "I'm sleepy, I want to go to bed" he said, holding out his hand to Shoto and leading him to the bedroom. Shoto's heart skipped a beat, and he wondered how he would get any sleep laying next to Izuku. 

\---

Monday rolled around far to quickly.  Both boys got up in the early hours of the morning and got ready to head to class.

Izuku's mood had taken a turn for the worse. He was fiddling with his hands again and not making eye contact with Shoto at all, shuffling around the apartment in a fog of mild despair. 

Shoto knew what was bothering Izuku, he was worried somehow Bakugou would find out where he'd spent the weekend and be angry. But that was impossible. 

"Izuku," shoto spoke quietly stepping up behind the boy but he still jumped as if something had shocked him before spinning around. "I'll drop you outside the university and you can walk in, that way no-one will see us together, okay?" Izuku stared at the floor and nodded, they both knew that he was talking about Bakugou. 

"Hay, it will be okay" Shoto said gently, reaching out cautiously and pulling the smaller boy into a tight hug. Speaking to the top of Izuku's head shoto said quietly "Come over again tonight... Please?... I like having you here..." he trailed off as he felt Izuku pull away and look up at him, eyes wide. 

"Really?" Izuku sounded so surprised it made Shoto chuckle. 

"Yes really. Hell, stay here all week. I'd be say happy to have you stay, this places feels more like a home with you here..." he trailed off again at the look on Izuku's face, he couldn't read it fully, something between hope and fear. 

"I don't have a change of clothes, people might get suspicious if I wear to same thing every day for a week" said Izuku, biting his lip, again 'people' meaning Bakugou. 

"Easy, we can just swing by your place after class today and get you some clothes?" 

Izuku blinked and nodded slowly, seeing no other reason as to why he shouldn't stay. He looked up at Shoto and blushed before suddenly babbling "but I'm buying dinner, and making it! And I'll do the dishes, oh and all of your laundry too. And I'll tidy your room, clean the shower, and floors. Anything you need! It's the least I can do as a long term guest. Oh and I can make the bed every day, and dust the corners and..." Izuku stopped for a breath but Shoto was too quick for him, planting a kiss on Izuku's lips, successfully shutting him up. 

Shoto pulled away after a few moments grinning and said "Come on, we better hurry or we'll be late". Izuke nodded, dazed from the kiss and blindly followed Shoto out of the front door. 

\----

Everything was going smoothly with their plan, Shoto would drop Izuku away from the university so he could walk the rest of the way, to ensure no one got suspicious. And they'd meet in a different spot each evening to go home.

They didn't see each other much during the day as they had different classes but they would text regularly, keeping tabs on each other. 

For all intensive purposes, they were dating. Neither of them had said it out loud but both had thought it. They were spending every evening together, cooking together and sleeping in the same bed, and yet it hadn't even been a full week since they had officially met. 

Izuku floated through the week, happier than he had been in years, until it all came crashing down around him half way through Thursday. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket during class and he snuck a glance at the screen with a grin on his face, expecting to see Shoto's name, but instead 'Kaachan' appeared in bold letters making his blood run cold as the grin fell off his face. He felt immediately sick. 

Grabbing his phone he read the message under the table. 

Kaachan - Tonight, normal place, 6pm. Don't keep me waiting Deku. 

Izuku gulped, he felt like time had stopped around him and his brain had stopped functioning. Slowly he typed his usual response. 

Deku - Of course Kaachan, see you then.

Switching chats, he opened up his messages to Shoto and quickly typed a message. 

Izuku - I have something I need to take care of after class. I'll head over to yours when I'm done, if that's alright?

Izuku felt sick, he stared into space for the remainder of the class and as soon as the lesson ended he bolted out of the door and ran for the nearest restrooms to empty is stomach.

\----

6pm rolled around far to quickly. Izuku stood in their normal spot waiting for Kaachan with his heart racing. He'd received multiple messages from Shoto throughout the rest of the day but hadn't been able to pluck up the nerve to read them. 

Izuku jumped as he heard a car approaching, it pulled up alongside him and he tentatively pulled the door open and got in, fidgeting with his hands the entire time, unable to even glance at Kaachan. 

"Put your belt on, we're going for a drive" Kaachan grunted at Izuku, and Izuku obeyed with a frown on his face. They hardly ever went anywhere except their normal spot and occasionally Kaachan's house. 

Izuku began to panic when he recognised the route they were taking. They were heading back to Izuku's house. Glancing at the clock on the dash he knew his mum wouldn't be home for hours yet. Izuku's nervousness increased the closer they got to his home. 

When they finally pulled up outside and Kaachan got out of the car, Izuku thought he might pass out from fear. 

"Well," Kaachan said, glaring at Izuku with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. The green haired boy cringed away from the look Kaachan was giving him and nervously lead him into his apartment. 

Kaachan was being far to quiet, Izuku could feel daggers being stared into the back of his head as he opened the front door and lead Kaachan to his room. 

Izuku opened the door and let Kaachan into his room first before stepping in himself and closing the door behind him. He stood with his back to the door watching Kaachan looking around his room before their eyes finally locked. 

"Shity nerd room for a shity fucking nerd. It definitely fits" he spat, glowering at Deku. 

"Are you going to tell me what you've been up to for the last week or not Deku?" Kaachan spoke quietly but Izuku reacted as if he'd screamed the words at him, flinching away from them. 

Kaachan let out a humourless laugh. "Don't try and lie, Deku." He spoke quieter still, as he walked slowly over to Deku. Izuku tried to walk backwards away from Kaachan and instead backed up into the bedroom door, trembling with fear. 

"Kaachan... please..." Izuku breathed out in a whimper, but Kaachan's anger finally got the better of him and he slammed his fist into the door inches away from Deku's head making him flinch and growled "You've been fucking that half and half bastard Todoroki haven't you?!" 

Izuku let out a small sob shaking his head but didn't answer, tears spilling over out of his eyes. Kaachan lent passed him and locked the bedroom door. 'I'm trapped, this is the end...' Izuku thought 'Even though we didn't do anything, there's no way Kaachan will ever believe me...' Izuku began to sob quietly making Katsuki even angrier. 

"You're going to pay for this, fucking Deku."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Like, all the warnings, every warning ever. Rape, abuse, self harm. Everything.
> 
> Notes  
> I can't stress enough how messy this is going to get, please heed the warnings above....Sorry, not sorry. *runs and hides in a closet*

It was getting dark outside, the light slowly fading from behind the curtains. There was barely any noise in the room except for the green haired boys quiet sobs. Kaachan had Izuku pinned against the door, his face inches away from the smaller boys, twisted in hatred. 

He drew his arm away from the side of Izuku's head right before planting it in his stomach, causing Izuku to double over, all the breath being knocked out of him in a scream of pain. Kaachan moved quickly, grabbing the back of Deku’s head, hand fisted in the green hair and pulling him sharply back up before slamming him sideways into the door. The impact made Izuku's vision dim around the edges and he would have fallen if it hadn't been for Kaachan's hand in his hair. 

Izuku whimpered, and tried to speak “Kaachan, nothing happened, I promi..” but the blonde cut him off “Shut. Up. Deku. I don't want to hear your lies” he spat out, before dragging Deku by the hair and throwing him hard onto the ground. He landed awkwardly on his right arm and let out a gasp of pain before crumpling in on himself. 

Izuku was now sobbing uncontrollably, body limp all over as he resigned himself to his fate. “Please…” he whispered so quietly he didn't know if Kaachan would hear him, “Please stop… I'm sorry Kaachan, I'll never see him again… Please, I'm so sorry Kaachan…” he begged between sobs. 

Kaachan looked down at the pitiful sight and snarled, “I said shut up, fucking Deku”. 

He swung his foot full force into Deku's stomach, “SHUT” punctuating the word with another kick “UP”. Izuku yelled with each kick, tasting bile and blood in his mouth. ‘Stop, please stop, please let this end soon, please’ he thought as he sodded on the floor. 

But it was far from over yet. Kaachan grabbed a fist full of Deku's hair and pulled him to his feet earning a shout of pain from the boy as he tried to scramble up with the pull. Kaachan threw Izuku head first onto the bed, and without giving him any time to think, began ripping at his clothes. 

Izuku flailed helplessly, trying and failing to stop Kaachan removing his pants and boxers. When he had succeeded in taking off all of the lower half of Izuku's clothing he grabbed at the boys shirt, causing all of the buttons to pop off. 

Kaachan knelt above Izuku, straddled over his now naked form and glared daggers down at him, taking in the quivering sight below him, watching as Izuku did his best to try and cover himself. Bruises, cuts and scrapes littered Izuku's body, some fresh but many old, still not having healed from the last time they played one of Kaachan's games.

He shifted his positioning so he was between Izuku's legs and began unbuckling his pants. Izuku's blood ran cold, he knew what was about to happen and wasn't the prepared for it. With a shaky voice Izuku said “there's lube in the dr…” but the look Kaachan gave him said it all. No lube. Izuku began to panic, he could hear his heart beating In his ears and thought he might even pass out.

Against his better judgement he tried to wriggle away from Kaachan, sobbing and flailing his arms desperately he flipped onto his side but Kaachan was still between his legs. “NO! No! Please Kaachan, stop this!” he begged, his voice wracked with desperation. Kaachan just growled and flipped Izuku the rest of the way over, readjusting his positioning so he was again straddling the smaller boy again, but from behind. 

He spat in his hand rubbing it on himself, already hard and ready but Izuku was still trying to get away. Kaachan grabbed Izuku's left arm and twisted it around to his back, pinning him down making Izuku yell in pain. 

Izuku knew he had lost, he scrunched up his eyes tears still flowing and gripped the sheets in a fist with his free hand. He tried to keep his body relaxed as he knew that would lessen the pain, even if only slightly but it was impossible. His entire body hurt, both his arms, his stomach and head throbbed as he lay there waiting. He despaired silently, waiting for the torture to begin.

Kaachan stroked himself a few times still maintaining the grip on Izuku's arm, before slowly pushing himself forward into Izuku, the spit acting as just enough lubricant to allow him entry. Izuku gasped, and then let out a small scream as Kaachan pushed in half way and then pulled back again, beginning to pump his hips. 

White hot pain ripped through Izuku, making him forget all his other injuries. He could feel himself tear as Kaachan picked up the pace, and again nearly passed out. His vision blurred but no black oblivion came to save him. Kaachan bagan pounding into Izuku, and Izuku couldn't hold his voice back any longer, he let out yells of pain mixed with begging Kaachan to stop, but he was ignored. A small part of Izuku's brain realised he suddenly felt more lubricated and that he must be bleeding at least a little bit.

Kaachan suddenly stopped, still embedded deeply inside Izuku and lent off the side of the bed to pick something up briefly letting go of Izuku's arm. The smaller boy snatched his arm back and hide it under the pillow for protection, hoping Kaachan wouldn't pull it back out again. He knew if he let Kaachan finish his ‘little game’ he wouldn't receive much more physical abuse. 

“Hello, ” Kaachan spoke, Izuku froze. He clearly wasn't talking to him. “Deku's phone, he can't talk right now he's… a bit busy” Kaachan finished with a snort. Izuku's eyes flew wide and he tried to turn and look at Kaachan but before he could Kaachan's free hand was on the back of his neck, pushing him into the bed. Izuku could just about make out the voice at the other end as it responded with “Bakugou?” in a growl. It was Shoto. 

“Oh Shoto-san, is that you?” he said, voice drenched in sarcasm, “What the fuck do you want?”

“Where is Izuku?” Shoto spoke with barley concealed anger.

“Why the fuck does it matter to you half and half bastard? He's mine, not yours, so fuck off,” Kaachan half shouted down the phone, still deep inside Izuku. 

“Izuku doesn't belong to you, or anyone for that matter, “Shoto replied coldly.

“Oh yeah?” Kaachan said, pulling the phone away from his head and switching it to speaker. “We'll see about that shall we?” he said as he placed the phone on the table by the bed, just out of Izuku's reach. Pulling back on Izuku's hair and lifting his head Kaachan growled at Izuku “Deku, Tell your little boyfriend who you belong to.” 

Izuku let out a small sob but spoke quickly as Kaachan's hand tightened further in his hair as a warning “Kaachan! I belong to Kaachan,” he said as his body shook with sobs. 

Shoto froze at the sound of Izuku's voice, he could hear the pain and fear in it. His heart began to race and he spoke quickly, “Tell me where you are Izuku.”

But Kaachan laughed in response “He wouldn't dare, would you Deku. Instead, tell your little boyfriend what I'm doing to you right now.”

Shoto gulped, not wanting to hear to answer but he couldn't move. It was like the phone was glued to his head. No matter how much he wanted to hang up and run away, he couldn't. 

He heard a mumbled response from Izuku, then a loud thud accompanied by a small yelp and then Izuku's distressed voice again “Kaachan is fucking me hard”. Shoto felt sick, the occasional slapping noises and panting breaths made sense. A part of him had already known this was happening but he didn't want to believe it. He knew Izuku didn't want this, he could tell by his voice but Shoto was helpless, he didn't know where they were or how he could help.

Kaachan picked up the pace again, pounding hard into Deku making him cry out with pain over and over again. Unnoticed by either of the boys the phone went dark and the call ended. Kaachan kept this up for awhile biting at Izuku's exposed neck leaving marks on every bit of skin he could reach. 

“Deku,” he grunted, his voice husky with lust “ride me.” Kaachan moved, slipping out of Izuku, resting his back against the headboard of the bed and waited for Deku to move. Slowly, Izuku shifted to his knees. His whole body shook while he moved, avoiding making eye contact with Kaachan he swung his legs over the other boys lap reluctantly. He knew Kaachan was nearly done, it wouldn't be much longer now. 

Izuku used one hand to try and guide Kaachan into him but the pain was too great as the blood had now all dried and winced away from it. Kaachan grunted and lent to the bedside table, pulling out the lube and pumping a load onto his hand. Izuku's eyes went wide as he watched Kaachan first rub some on to himself and then, while making eye contact with Izuku he softly rubbed some onto his opening before gently probing a finger inside him. 

Izuku let out a slight moan, unable to stop himself. It was such a contrast from the pain he'd felt up until now. He hadn't been hard at all as Kaachan had fucked him but now he twitched into life as a 2nd finger slide inside. 

Panting Izuku placed his arms around Kaachan's neck, leaning his head onto Kaachan's shoulder. After a few more minutes of gently deep probing with three fingers Kaachan pushed into Izuku again, moving his hands to Izuku's hips and pushing him down slowly. 

It felt spectacular compared to the ordeal he'd suffered until now. There was a slight twinge of pain but Izuku was able to ignore as he moved his hips up and down, making Kaachan hit his deepest spot. 

“Oi, Deku,” Kaachan whispered, making Izuku pull back slightly to look at him. Kaachan stopped breathing at the sight of Izuku, eyes half lidded, cheeks tinged pink and lips slightly parted. Before Izuku could say anything Kaachan wrapped one of his handd gently into Izuku's hair and pulled him into a deep kiss. Izuku's eye flew wide at first but he relaxed into it as he slowly moved his hips, hitting the spot with every movement. 

Kaachan untangled his hand from Izuku's hair, ran it down his back slowly, around his hip tickling Izuku slightly before taking hold of Izuku's hardness. Izuku gasped into the kiss, “oh Kaachan… feels so good…” he said breathlessly. 

The two boys moved together for what felt like eternity, sitting on the edge of oblivion. Neither wanting to fall over the edge and have it end. But Kaachan had gone to long and could no longer hold back, he increased the speed at which he was stroking Izuku making the boys hips buck with the motion. 

He couldn't take it any longer, “Cum for me Deku,” Kaachan grunted. That was all the encouragement Izuku needed as he released into Kaachan's hand and Kaachan inside of him. They held each other tightly, basking in the afterglow for a long time before Kaachan gently pushed Izuku off of him and went to stand up. 

Izuku watched with wide eyes, no idea what to make of what had just happened, his brain had stopped functioning and the pain from earlier was creeping back into his body. He watched as Kaachan stood and as he did he knocked Izuku's phone off of the bedside table. It landed screen up, shining innocently in the last of the light left in the room. Kaachan stared at it for a few breaths and then without warning stomped repeatedly on the phone with his still booted foot.

“Kaachan?! What the…” Izuku was cut off by the sound of the crunching phone. Kaachan quickly did up his pants and stormed to the bedroom door. Izuku hurried off the bed and after Kaachan. “Wait! Kaachan! Please!” but he had unlocked the door and swung it wide storming out of the room. Izuku followed, shouting after the other boy “Don't leave me Kaachan! Please! Please wait!” but it was too late. The front door slammed in his face as Kaachan left. 

Izuku began to shiver all over. Wrapping his arms around himself he padded lightly back to his bedroom blinded by tears. He pulled on his pants as sobs tore through his body barely able to see. He fell to his knees and then his hands, shaking and crying he punched the floor and screamed. He collapsed down onto his side and curled into a ball screaming and crying for a long time. But then he quickly shot to his knees and hurriedly crawled over to his desk in search of something. Standing he yanked one of the draws open. He'd stopped crying briefly, solely focused on the object he was looking for. His hand grasped firmly around the handle of a very mean looking blade and without hesitation he slashed at his other arm and froze, eyes staring at the beads of red now glistening on his arm. 

“No, no, no!” he whispered to himself. “No I can't do this anymore” he was shaking all over again, and the tears resumed. “It won't help!” he screamed “It never helps!” he threw the knife at the floor where it landed point first, embedding itself into the wood handle quivering. 

Izuku was manic, he couldn't think straight. His mind was mess of pain and hurt. Looking around his room his eyes were drawn to the bed. Sheets half off and small patches of blood drew his attention. He felt sick. He had to go, he had to leave here and hide away from the memories already trying to crawl at him. He grabbed his smashed phone without thinking and threw on a jacket. He all but ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it quickly before making a hurried exit out of the apartment. He didn't know where he was going, but all he knew was that he wanted to get as far away from here as possible.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> None
> 
> Notes  
> And now for something completely different.

It was very late, Izuku wasn’t sure exactly what the time was since his phone was broken and he didn’t wear a watch but the moon was high in the sky, occasionally making an appearance when the clouds parted. He’d been walking aimlessly for at least 2 hours, not really seeing where he was going, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other while thoughts swirled in his head. 

He’d briefly considered going to Shoto’s place but then remembered what had happened when he had called earlier, and didn’t think he could stand the shame and embarrassment of facing him after that. There was no way he could go home either, his mum would be back by now and he didn’t think he could look her in the eye and pretend everything was okay like he normally did. They were his only two options for the moment, know that he could go to his work but it was likely to be packed with people and knew that was too much for him right now, he needed to be alone.

Deciding he had a no choice but to wander the streets he continued, blindly moving through rows of houses or apartments, stumbling down quiet rows of shops all closed for the night. No matter what he did his mind wouldn’t stop replaying the night, showing him everything again and again, telling him all the things he could have done to lessen or even stop the abuse he faced. ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing’ he thought to himself bitterly, burying his hands deeper into his pockets and sinking further in the darkness of his hood.

Luck was not on Izuku’s side tonight. As he turned into another street it began to rain, lightly at first but slowly turning into a torrential downpour. Izuku panicked, looking up for the first time in hours and taking in his surroundings properly. He vaguely knew where he was, coming slightly back to his senses and picked up his pace, jogging to a nearby park hidden in a grove of trees. Picking one of the more sheltered structures in the park he crawled inside, pressing his back into one of the corners, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them burying his face in his knees. 

“How the hell did I get here?” he whispered to himself, breathing becoming more erratic as he started to cry again. Izuku had been nothing but kind to Kaachan their entire lives. He had followed Kaachan around like a lost puppy as they grew up and then worked harder than he thought possible to follow him to university so they could be together again. “Kaachan clearly doesn’t care about me…” Izuku said with a small sob. “He h-hates me…” he gripped his legs even tighter, crying harder and harder with every breath. But the memories came crawling back, clawing at his insides with no way of stopping them.

“Kaachan wait for me!” stumbling up the hill, 11 year old Izuku shouted with a laugh at the blonde haired boy racing up ahead of him. Izuku and Katsuki had been friends for as long as either of them could remember. They lived very close to each other and their parents had always put them together growing up but neither of the boys minded, they got on extremely well. Katsuki the natural born leader of the two was always leading Izuku off on another adventure, Izuku following with the blind devotion of a best friend. 

“Come on silly Deku!” Kaachan shouted back, stopping at the top of the hill grinning down at his friend, “We’ll miss it, get a move on”. Izuku continued to stumble up the hill, laughing as Kaachan shouted encouragement and finally got to the top, running straight into Kaachan and knocking them both to the ground. Both boys laughing as they untangled themselves from each other and got to their feet.

Kaachan grabbed Izuku’s hand making Izuku’s heart skip a beat and pulled him along “Come on Deku, I’m not going to leave you behind,” he grinned and started running, pulling Izuku along behind him. 

“Are we nearly there?” Izuku pantted, trying his best to keep pace with Kaachan. 

“Yeah, it should be just up ahead” Kaachan said over his shoulder grinning from ear to ear. They burst through some trees out into a clearing with an incredible view, Izuku nearly running into Kaachan when he stopped so suddenly. They could see over their entire hometown from here. Lights danced through the streets and people filled every space available all heading to the centre of the festival. Both boys stood breathless and in awe of the sight of the town below them.

“See, I told you we would get an incredible view from up here,” Kaachan said with a laugh gently punching Izuku in the arm. 

“I never doubted you Kaachan,” he said with a giggle, walking to the edge of the steep hill which lead down to the town and sat down heavily in the grass, still trying to catch his breath. Kaachan came up behind Izuku, crouched next to him and whispered in his ear while pointing down, “Aren’t you glad I didn’t make you run up that hill instead?”. Izuku Shivered, a slight blush coming over his cheeks and laughed nervously “I’d never have made it up alive.” Kaachan laughed and stood for a moment before sitting down in the grass next to Izuku.

“Oi Deku…” He said softly, looking out of the town with a sad look on his face. “It sucks...my shitty parents making me move away…” his brow crinkled and he pulled out a fist full of grass.

“Kaachan…” Izuku said in a whisper. His heart hurt at the thought of Kaachan leaving, he had no idea if or when he might get to see him again after tonight.

Kaachan shuffled around facing Izuku with a look of determination on his face. He held his hand out to Izuku, pinky finger extended and said in a voice that sounded nearly angry “Promise me...promise me we’ll be friends forever no matter what and that you’ll never forget me or replace me with anyone.” Izuku stared at Kaachan eyes wide and frozen before blinking away his surprise and holding his hand out to Kaachan, locking pinky fingers. “I promise Kaachan. I could never replace you anyway” he spoke with a shy smile and Kaachan laughed loudly just as a huge bang went off next to them making them both jump. Pulling away from each other they turned back to the town. They both started laughing then, watching as the brightly coloured fireworks went off over the town for the festival. 

They sat there for the entire display, oohing and aahing over the big explosions in the sky. Laughing and joking like best friends do, enjoying each others company potentially for the last time. The fireworks ended in a massive crescendo of sound and light which slowly faded, Izuku and Kaachan cheered as they heard the cheers from the town reach them.

Kaachan lent back on his hands in the grass, staring up at the sky with a sad look on his face which he was trying and failing to hide. Izuku stared at him, Kaachan’s face glowing in the moonlight as he stared upwards. Izuku clenched his fists and let out a shaky breath ‘It’s now or never he thought to himself’ he shuffled closer to Kaachan who looked at him and grinned. “What wrong, silly Deku? You look like you’re gonna puke” he laughed but Izuku maintained his determined and slightly sick looking expression. 

“Do you trust me Kaachan?” he said in such a serious tone, Kaachan sat up straight and stared harder at Izuku, trying to read him.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I do idiot,” he tried to say it louder but his voice came out in a husky whisper, his heart had began to race.

“Then, could you shut your eyes? I want to try something…” He said his voice almost disappearing but his gaze intense. Kaachan hesiated at first, but nodded shutting his eyes. Both boys could hear their own hearts beating in their ears, entirely wrapped up in their nerves.

Izuku slowly moved closer to Kaachan, trembling all over and gently planted his lips on Kaachan’s lingering for a second before pulling away and jumping to his feet. Turning his back to Kaachan and putting his hands behind his head, laughing nervously.

Kaachan just sat in the grass frozen, eyes wide staring at Izuku’s back. He could feel his lips tingling even now from Izuku’s lips being on his and his heart hurt as the weight of his emotions crashed over him. He’d never let himself pay attention to the feelings he had for Izuku before, acting like they didn’t exist even when he would wake up in the middle of the night from a dream about the two of them. He had planned to ignore them forever and forget about them when he moved away, but that one kiss unlocked the door he wanted to pretend never existed in the first place. 

Izuku looked over his shoulder at Kaachan, a big silly grin on his face and tears in his eyes. “Sorry Kaachan, I know you don’t feel the same about me, but I had to do it before you left. I had to show you how I feel. I’m going to miss you so much K-Kaachan,” He ended on a small sob and wiped at his eyes. 

“Come on!” he suddenly said with a laugh and ran over to the edge of the trees, “We’ll be late if we don’t head back now.” Kaachan scrambled to his feet still trying to understand what was going through his head and hurried after Izuku who had taken off into the trees on his own. The two boys ran back to their street and stood, panting and out of breath just outside Kaachan’s house. When they were able to speak again Izuku held his hand out and grinned at Kaachan “Well this is it then, until we see each other again I guess.” Kaachan stared at Izuku’s outstretched hand but chose to ignore it, instead pulling Izuku into a tight hug, not letting go. Izuku hesitated and wrapped his arms around Kaachan, trying desperately to hold back his tears. 

“Silly Deku…” Kaachan whispered, holding him tighter, trying to convey all of his confused feelings across in the hug, everything he couldn’t say out loud as he himself hadn’t even figured it out yet. Izuku pulled away and Kaachan reluctantly let him go but as he did Izuku turned and ran, waving over his shoulder and shouting “Bye Kaachan, I’ll miss you so much,” finishing just as the sobs started ripping through his body and tears blinded his vision.

“Don’t forget me n-nerd!” Kaachan called back waving, as he let out a lone sob, one tear falling down his face.

Izuku was cold. He had been sheltering in the park for hours, drifting in and out of consciousness as the rain lashed down. The sun was just starting to come up and Izuku reluctantly left his shelter now the rain had finally stopped. He stretched out his legs, wrapping his arms around himself. “I guess I’ll head to work,” He muttered to himself, shivering as he began to walk back to the road. He knew the walk would be long enough that they’d be open when he got there but quiet enough nobody would really be around to ask questions. He chuckled to himself as he thought ‘I wonder how much I need to drink to make myself forget this time… or maybe I’ll see Shigaraki-San…’


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Friendship 🤣
> 
> Notes  
> No notes, enjoy and let me know what you think.

Izuku gently pushed in the door to the back of Club UA after typing the pin code into the door. He stepped into a dark corridor as the door swung shut behind him, waiting a moment for the automatic lights to switch on. They burst into existence all at once making Izuku squint at the bright lights, letting out a small hiss between his teeth. 

Club UA was to the public eye a host and hostess club, however the rules here were made by the host’s themselves, if they wanted to sell their bodies, that was up to them. The owner of the club, Toshinori Yagi, would rather his boys and girls do things like that where he could keep an eye on them and protect them. He knew only to well that if he didn't give them a safe place to do it they would just do it elsewhere and end up hurt. Izuku didn't sleep with any of his clients except for one, and even then it was just to get his hands on the next high. 

He had been working at the club for well over a year now, since wandering in here one night after a one of Kaachan's more horrible games. He had been looking for a place to drink and Club UA were having an open casting night for potential new hosts. Drinks were on the house if you were interesting enough and Izuku was broke so he put on his best smile and fake confidence. Within an hour he had found himself sat with Toshinori Yagi or ‘All Might’ as everyone in the club called him. 

All Might was intrigued by the boy in front of him, he could see beyond the fake smile and knew there was much more depth to Izuku than he was letting on. He also thought the green haired boy was outstandingly beautiful, witty and very easy to talk to. He had offered Izuku a job on the spot, shocked Izuku had agreed and here he was so many months later. 

Izuku stumbled through the messy corridor, tripping slightly over the large boxes of bottles and cans. He cursed loudly when he knocked another box and it went toppling off of the pile it was on but thankfully it only had napkins in it. As he made his way further into the building he glanced into the offices and storage rooms that lined the corridor, not spotting anyone at all and feeling very relieved. He'd been dreading seeing someone before he'd had the chance to shower and change his clothes. He was overly conscious of the dried blood on his arm, matted hair and damp clothing, he knew if anyone saw him like this they would have a lot of questions. 

Hurrying along the rest of the corridor he found the entrance to the staff changing room and pushed inside, noting as he did that he could hear the distant thud thud of music from the front of house, Present Mic was clearly here already but he knew the man wouldn't come down in the middle of his practice. 

The door clicked shut behind him and Izuku lent against it to catch his breath. He hadn't realised he'd be panting, but the thought of getting caught in this state had sent his anxiety skyrocketing. He briefly closed his eyes, taking long steadying breaths before pushing away from the door and unconsciously tiptoeing to his locker. 

Each host at UA had their own double lockers. They were floor to ceiling and big enough for a large amount of clothes, shoes, accessories and more. Izuku kept quite a few changes of clothes here and grinned at his organisation skills when he opened his locker. Without hesitation he slipped his jacket off then ripped off his shirt, wanting to get the smell of Kaachan and blood off of him as soon as possible. He discarded the shirt in the bottom of his locker with the other detritus that lived there, shivering at the sight of the blood on the shirt and his arm. 

Izuku froze when get caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror hanging on the inside of one of the locker doors. ‘I'm so pale’ he mused to himself before taking in his many injuries. His torso was littered with bruises ranging from light red to green and purple. Numerous cuts and scrapes also covered him, along with the large gash in his forearm, which to Izuku's horror, he saw was still bleeding very slightly. Biting his lip he screwed his eyes up trying not to cry again ‘It's just like Kaachan says, I'm pathetic and useless…’ his thoughts trailed off as he opened his eyes again, taking in his own appearance, scars, bruises, cuts and scrapes, it definitely painted a picture, but not one Izuku wanted to examine any longer. Grabbing his wash bag he slammed his locker shut, trembling with anger, anger at himself for being such a waste of space. 

He stalked into the shower room and grabbed some clean towels before picking a cubicle, locking himself in. He was doing everything he could to keep his mind occupied, trying not to analyse his feelings or current physical state, Instead he thought ‘I wonder how much money I have stashed in my locker. I definitely have enough to buy a new phone. I should really pull it all out and count it up.’ his mind rambling away to itself as he turned the shower on and waited for it to warm up. ‘I know I'm good at this job, all the men here love me, they tell me I'm beautiful and funny, but they don't see how truly weak and pathetic I…’ he cut himself off from the self destructive chain of thought as he pulled his pants off and hung them up over the door to the cubicle. ‘Stupid Deku, don't think about that’ he tried to change the subject of his internal dialogue shaking his head. ‘I make decent tips here, really decent, I must have enough money to get a new phone. But I don't want something too fancy, Kaachan might break it again out of spite, I'd deserve it though…’ 

No matter what Izuku did his thoughts kept turning on him, making him miserable. In the end he just gave in to the despair clawing at the edges of his mind, wrapping his arms around himself tightly as he let the water beat down on his body. 

Completely lost In his own head and focusing on the sound of the water rushing past his ears, he didn't notice as someone else entered the shower room and jumped with a slight yelp when they spoke right outside the cubicle. 

“Hayy, who's in here?” the cheery voice spoke, Izuku recognised it immediately.

“Hay Kirishima, it's Deku In here,” he spoke in a slightly strained voice having not spoken aloud for hours. Deku had become his stage name while working the club, preferring not to give his real name away m. He heard an intake of breath followed by a barking laugh. 

“Deku bro! Welcome back, welcome back! I didn't know you were back tonight, glad you are though” Kirishima babbled as he entered the cubicle next to Izuku, turning the water on. 

“hehe.. Thanks…” Izuku chuckled weakly at Kirishima's enthusiasm. 

“Oh you've missed out on so much drama man! So. Much. Drama!” the redhead carried on at full speed and launched into a story about how one of the new hostesses Uraraka had been groped by a couple of the customers and Aizawa, one of the clubs senior bouncers, had kicked the hell out of them before throwing them out onto the streets. 

Izuku closed his eyes as he let the water cascade over his body while rubbing at his skin till it was red raw. He was nodding along absentmindedly to Kirishima's story, adding yeah's and oh wow's at appropriate points but not really paying full attention. Instead he was now scratching at his skin, trying so hard to remove the smell and feel of Kaachan's touch. He was so engrossed in the task he jumped when Kirishima shut the water off and spoke “Come on, get out I've got so much more to tell you bro!” Izuku looked down at his hands in dismay clenching them into shaking fists and fighting back tears. ‘Weak,’ he thought again ‘Weak and pathetic.’ 

Shutting off the water Izuku grabbed his towels and stopped dead. ‘Shit’ he thought to himself. ‘What am I going to do?’ he began to panic internally as he realised he hadn't brought a top in with him, only his pants and they were still damp from the rain. He cursed under his breath. 

“Come oooonnn bro I'm waiting,” Kirishima drawled out side the cubicle and lightly wrapped on the door trying to hurry Izuku along. ‘I'm just going to have to wing it, I'll try and hide everything from him with the towels as I get dressed’ Izuku thought, heart pounding in his ears. He wrapped one of the towels under his arms and threw the other over his head, drawing it in under his chin trying to cover up his neck. Kirishima carried on banging on the door until Izuku opened it up and stepped out. Kirishima's face broke out into a huge grin before bursting out. laughing. The redhead had his towel wrapped around his waist, chiseled chest on show and hair dripping down his shoulders. He threw his arm around Izuku's shoulders and guided him back to their lockers which were side by side. “Are you trying to be a nun now?” Kirishima continued to laugh and Izuku's cheeks flamed at the comment but didn't say anything in response. 

When they got back to their lockers Kirishima wasted no time in launching back Into his retellings of the recent drama, apparently Midnight, one of the more mature hostesses had sent three men home crying after she had treated them to her speciality. But Izuku couldn't concentrate on the story his friend was relaying, instead focusing on every action he was making, first he carefully pulled on some clean boxers under the towel he was wearing and then some pants on over those. Kneeling he pulled some socks on and slipped on his comfy red high tops before standing again, drawing the towel tightly around him. 

Kirishima had no shame and was butt naked behind Izuku, but Izuku had his back to the other boy as he concentrated on dressing. He quickly rummaged in his locker finding a black slim fitting shirt that he pulled out and carefully he dropped the towel under his arms to the floor and twisted to put the shirt on. 

“You should have seen what All Might did next! I nearly died Deku! It was insane, he…” Kirishima broke off just as the towel from Izuku's head hit the floor, it had slipped as he had twisted to put the shirt on leaving his back completely exposed to the other boy. Kirishima drew in a sharp breath and without thinking Izuku turned to look at him revealing his chest and arms. Kirishima clasped his hands over his mouth eyes wide, locked on Izuku's chest. 

“...What the Fuck…” Kirishima let out in a breathy whisper as he took in the green and purple skin covered in scratches. Izuku's face burnt with shame and embarrassment as he hastily pulled the shirt on while trying to turn his back on the other boy again, but Kirishima was too quick for him. He grabbed Izuku's wrist pulling him back round and earning a yelp of pain from the green haired boy. Kirishima pulled his hand away from Izuku as if he'd been burned and Izuku used the opportunity to button up his shirt, eyes down cast with shame. 

Silence stretched between the two boys as Izuku finished buttoning his shirt, trembling fingers causing him to slip over the buttons. He felt so ashamed, ‘Kirishima won't want to talk to me now, he'll be so disgusted by my body. Damnit I should have been more careful, idiot, idiot, idiot..’ Izuku thought to himself over and over. 

“Bro…” he spoke in a gentle voice, much to izuku's surprise. The green haired boy looked up at Kirishima with wide eyes and saw concern etched across his face. 

“Who did this to you?” he said in a slow whisper. Izuku's mouth dropped open a little in surprise. ‘He's not running away?’ Izuku marveled at the boy in front of him for a moment still shocked by his reaction and then blinked. Before he could stop himself he threw up his walls, putting his hand on the back of his head and laughing awkwardly “It's nothing Kirishima! I just fell, that's it haha..” he fidgeted on the spot not making eye contact with his friend, trying to feign ignorance. 

“Bullshit.” Kirishima spat at Izuku making the smaller boy flinch, “That's the oldest line in the book Bro. Tell me what happened.”

Izuku continued to fidget on the spot, dropping his hand back to his side and staring at the floor. His mouth had gone dry and he knew there was no way he could lie himself out of this. 

“Come on Bro…” Kirishima whispered, stepping closer to Izuku and resting a hand on his shoulder for comfort. But Izuku couldn't speak, all of his voice had left him and he just stood there trembling while staring at the floor, eyes hidden in the shadow of his hair.

“Was it that boyfriend of yours, the blonde kid?” Izuku's head shot up and he stared at Kirishima in horror, how did he know about Kaachan?

“He came here once, remember? Looking for you, said you'd been missing for days…” Kirishima trailed off, at the dawning compression growing over Izuku's face. 

“Kaachan isn't my boyfriend…” Izuku muttered, pulling away from Kirishima and twisting his hands in the hem of his shirt. ‘he's definitely not my boyfriend, if anything he's my owner…’ Izuku thought bitterly. “And he didn't do anything wrong.” Izuku's voice grew more confident as he spoke, knowing his words to be the truth. “I'd hurt him. I'd been stupid and idiotic. I hadn't done what he'd told me to and I lied to him. I deserved it.” Izuku finished with a glare at Kirishima, as if the other boy had been accusing him of something. The redhead frowned and shook his head. 

“Izuku… You don't deserve to be treated like a punching bag no matter what you did,” he said with pity in his words.

Izuku felt something inside him snap and he spat out “I never asked for your opinion Kirishima.” Izuku turned on his heels and walked across the staff room before stopping and snapping once more “What I do is none of your business, got it?” without waiting for an answer Izuku swung the door open and stormed out of the room, door slamming behind him.

Kirishima stared at the door, flabbergasted at the the turn the conversation had taken. He stood there for a long moment before running his hand through his hair, while letting out a long breath he hadn't realised he was holding. “Bottling up your problems and not letting your friends help… So Unmanly dude…” Kirishima sighed, and vowed to himself he'd be there for Izuku when he inevitably needed someone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Tending wounds, alcohol, scary new person :o who could it beeeee? 
> 
> Notes  
> More juicy stuff coming very soon ;)

Izuku stormed through the corridors of the club in a fog of anger. ‘How dare Kirishima butt in on my problems, he doesn't know Kaachan like I do, he has no idea. He doesn't understand what I'm going through at all. I deserve whatever Kaachan throws at me,’ Izuku huffed as he continued on blindly. He was so lost in thought that he didn't spot the blonde man that stepped out in front of him and proceeded to walk straight into him. It felt like walking into a brick wall and Izuku crashed down to the floor yelling in shock as he looked up at the mass that stood in front of him.

“Oh ho, Deku!” Toshinori exclaimed as he bent down and helped Izuku to his feet. “You should watch where you're walking young man haha,” he said with a barking laugh before taking in the small boys appearance and frowning.

Izuku was fidgeting on his feet again with his arms wrapped around himself and he was refusing to make eye contact with Toshinori, looking everywhere except the man's face. Toshinori’s frown deepened and he spoke quietly as if speaking to a frightened animal, “Come with me Deku” he said, stepping to the side of the corridor and indicating Izuku walk ahead of him. “I think we should talk.”

At All Might's signal Izuku slumped in on himself appearing to give up, slowly wrenching his feet from the floor and forcing himself to move. He followed the pathway along and found himself at the main bar of the club. Toshinori gestured for him to sit on one of the bar stools and then stepped up behind the bar, grabbing two glasses as he did.

“First question Deku, and answer me honestly. When did you last eat something?” he said gently but with an edge of discipline to his tone. Izuku stared at the wooden top of the bar, unseeing eyes unfocused in front of him. He racked his brain, trying to remember the last time he ate. But he couldn't think. It was like someone had poured sludge into his ears and stopped his mind from functioning. He felt drained, physically and mentally, all fight having left him. 

“...I don't… r-remember…” he croaked out, now staring down at his lap in shame. Toshinori made a sound of disapproval, before walking off towards the kitchen and pushing the doors open. Izuku could just make out voices beyond the large metal doors but couldn't hear what they were saying. 

‘I'm causing everyone so much trouble, they are worrying about me for no good reason. I'm fine, everything is fine. Kaachan didn't mean to hurt me, deep down he cares… I know he does… ” Izuku's mind began to spiral again, anguished thoughts vying for his attention one after the other, to fast to comprehend. After a few minutes Toshinori returned with a large plate piled high with sandwiches and placed it in front of Izuku, pushing it right under his nose. 

Looking up Izuku chanced at glance at All Might who was now standing with his arms crossed sternly staring down at the green haired boy. The look clearly said “Eat your food now, before I force feed it to you.” Izuku winced at the look and glanced back down at the plate, staring at the food. His stomach let out a huge growl at the sight of the food which made Izuku blush before he grabbed a sandwich. They stayed silent as Izuku ate the entire plate slowly, occasionally taking a sip of the water Toshinori had poured for him. 

When he'd finished, he looked up sheepishly and pushed the plate back across the counter, smiling weakly. All Might nodded approvingly and returned the plate to the kitchen before returning to his place behind the bar. 

The large blonde man stood there x-raying Izuku, much to the smaller boys displeasure. It made him shift uncomfortably in his chair and stare back down at his lap. 

“Second…” Toshinori spoke in a quiet voice, and Izuku tensed, suspecting what was coming next and knowing he wasn't prepared for it. 

“You're sleeves.” Toshinori said bluntly, arms crossed as he lent back on the counter behind him, staring down at the boy. But Izuku just sat there, eyes locked on his hands sitting in his lap, tense and unmoving. “Deku…” Toshinori growled with an edge of anger, which made Izuku jump and he quickly lifted his arms onto the counter. With trembling fingers he rolled up the sleeve on the unharmed arm first, Toshinori motionless watching his movements. Then, with only the slightest twitch of hesitation, he rolled up the other sleeve revealing the long deep cut in his arm which was still seeping blood ever so slightly. Toshinori let out a hiss and clenched his jaw at the sight. He knew he had to be gentle with Deku when he was like this but he was also angry. He knew he'd made so much progress in the last few months, with next to zero relapses. But why now? What had pushed him so far over the edge?

Toshinori silently pulled out an over stocked first aid kit and placed it on the counter next the Izuku's arms which were resting on the counter palms up. Without a word Toshinori pulled out various items from the kit and began working on the wound. Izuku sat there expressionless, staring at the wall behind the bar. The older man cleaned and disinfected the cut, causing it open again. Izuku didn't even blink, let alone flinch at the treatment Toshinori was applying to his arm, proof of how many times Toshinori had stitched the boy back up after another episode. 

Working efficiently Toshinori had the wound stitched up within minutes and then wrapped the arm in a white bandage tightly before stepping back and admiring his work. With no emotion on his face Izuku lifted his arm as if to test it still worked and then dropped in back in his lap. Silence stretched between them, All Might's eyes burning into the top of Izuku's head as he stared at his hands. But All Might knew he had to wait for Izuku to speak first, this wasn't something he could force from the boy. 

It felt like an eternity had passed when Izuku finally spoke. “I stopped it…” he muttered so quietly Toshinori nearly missed it. 

“Stopped what?” Toshinori pressed gently, hoping to not push the boy away.

“I stopped me… from doing more than… this…” he broke off, gesturing at his bad arm with his good one before looking up at All Might. Every part of Izuku wanted to cry and give up. Curl up in a heap and let the world disappear around him. But he knew he couldn't give up, he knew for all his faults he wasn't a quitter. 

“I know it doesn't help me, it just makes everything worse in the long run. That's what you taught me All Might. I promise I listened, but I was w-weak,” Izuku had begun to cry, fat tears pouring down his face.

“I knew I'd m-messed up the moment I s-saw the blood, so I threw the k-knife away and stopped…” sobs were now ripping through Izuku as he spoke and he hurriedly tried to wipe the tears from his face but they were falling too fast. “I'm sorry… I'm so s-sorry…” Izuku sobbed harder, wrapping his arms around himself as if to stop him falling apart at the seams. 

Toshinori watched the boy for a moment, stunned at how quickly he'd broken down. Normally Izuku would sit there stoic and pretending nothing had happened, Toshinori would have to push for every last detail until the boy would break. But not this time. Izuku was clearly already far beyond his limits and could not longer hold back the tidal wave of emotion. He lent forwards onto the bar and reached a hand out to Izuku's head, gently patting and caressing it. 

“Deku…” Toshinori whispered sympathetically, “I'm always here for you my boy. I know you're strong, and whatever is eating you up...it will get better I promise.” 

Izuku's sobs had subsided into sniffles but he still held himself tightly while nodding at All Might's words. They stayed in silence for a short time as Izuku tried to get his breathing under control and Toshinori gently stroked Izuku's head, which the smaller boy was finding very relaxing. 

Izuku let out a huge sigh and looked up at All Might. As the older man dropped his hand back to his side he smiled and Izuku weakly smiled back. 

“I don't want to… well, it's not that I don't want to… but I can't talk about this yet… I'm not ready,” Izuku whispered and All Might nodded, expecting as much. 

“Why don't you go and have a nap in my office and then head home and relax?” Toshinori offered with a warm smile but Izuku's eyes went wide and his skin paled. 

“No! I can't go home…” he nearly shouted before trailing off. Toshinori frowned slightly. 

“Deku, are you saying you want to work tonight?” concern laced All Mights voice as Izuku nodded.

“I'll get some sleep, and then I'll work. I don't be to be alone and I need distractions,” he said with conviction, determination on his face. All Might continued to frown but shrugged. 

“Fine, but if I see anything I don't like, I'm pulling you off the floor and you'll work the kitchen all night instead,” Toshinori said with a stern voice but ended with a smile. He knew Deku would do anything to avoid washing dishes. Izuku grinned and hopped off the bar stool, “I'll be good, I always am!” he chuckled and wandered off towards All Might’s office, eyes already feeling heavy with sleep.

\-------

Music pounded through the club, DJ Present Mic occasionally shouting at the dance floor to cheers and woops from the dancing mass of bodies. The queue for the bar was 5 people deep and the staff were rushed off their feet preparing drinks. This was the section of the club open to the general public, but on the other side of the club were private booths sectioned off by tiered flooring and red velvet ropes. The seats in the circular booths had plush red leather seats and a large wooden oak table in the middle. The booths had table service from well dressed waiters and bouncers patrolled to keep an eye on the hosts. 

Each booth was home to a single host or hostess so they could see their clients in private. They also had access to a small amount of private rooms located behind the booths. To gain access to a host you had a pay a fee and then to stay with the host you had to buy drinks or tip them generously. The more popular the host the higher the fee and the more you had to tip. Izuku was extremely popular. 

It was nearing 11 o'clock and he was on his third client, some closeted businessman with a fetish for younger men. He made Izuku's skin crawl but he still draped himself around the man, laughing at his awful jokes and appalling attempts to flirt. 

Izuku was buzzing. He had lost count of how much he'd had to drink and his cheeks were now permanently tinged pink from the booze. He felt light all over, skin tingling in a delightful way. His mind was doing a good job of forgetting the ordeal he had endured and instead was unable to string a coherent thought together or pay full attention to the vile man he was talking to. 

“You know Deku… I would pay handsomely to spend the night with you,” the man drawled as he laid a hand on Izuku's upper thigh, rubbing his thumb in a circle. Izuku had to stop himself from recoiling at the touch and giggled as he gently removed the man's hand from him leg.

“Now now.. You know I don't do that,” Izuku giggled, leaning slightly away from the man in an attempt to get away.

“Ohh come on you silly boy, stop being such a tease. Why ever not?” the man leant towards Izuku with a grin on his face but stopped suddenly and turned as he spotted someone enter the booth. Izuku turned too, his eyes going wide and he grinned as a familiar man entered.

“He said no you disgusting pervert. Now get lost before I call one of the bouncers.” The man looked as if he wanted to fight but the man who had walked in was so direct and commanding he thought better of it and instead retreated out of the booth without a word, snarling as he went. 

The new comer slide into the round booth and next to Izuku who giggled and immediately crawled up onto his knees and proceeded to straddle the man, while placing his hands on the man's shoulders. Izuku was grinning. 

The man raised an eyebrow, a mischievous smile playing about his lips. “Izuku, you're drunk.” he stated making izuku giggle again. Izuku just nodded in response and slowly leaned into the older man's ear before whispering “I want it…”

The older man laughed quietly and placed his hands on the younger boys hips, pulling him closer. “And what is it you want exactly Izuku?” he murmured back Into Izuku's neck, earning another giggle. 

“I want what you gave me last time… please… it was sooo good…” Izuku spoke breathlessly.

“Ohh, that,” the man drawled “Well why didn't you just say. Do you know what they are calling it on the streets?” he chuckled and nipped at Izuku's ear playfully. “They're calling it decay, can you imagine!”

Izuku pulled back and looked into the older man's eyes, his own wide and slightly bloodshot struggling to focus. “I don't care what they're calling, please just let me have some Shigaraki-san, please. I want to feel the way I did last time again,” Izuku added emphasis to his words by grinding his hips down and then biting his lip for effect.

Shigaraki laughed and a twisted grin grew across his face before whispering “Of course Izuku, anything for you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Drugs, alcohol, mostly consensual sex, paranoia, shigadeku, OH YEAH AND NEEDLES
> 
> Notes  
> Thank you for waiting patiently for shigadeku to happen... I've re written this chapter 3 times now and I'm still not sure it's 100% right but we're going to go with it. Let me know what you think! Also, I've now caught up with my pre written chapters so updates will be a bit slower but they are coming!

All Might stood surveying the club from an upstairs balcony reserved for VIPs, from his vantage point he could see nearly everywhere in the club. He watched as the mass of bodies writhed on the dance floor below, occasionally taking a sip on his drink. He had been preoccupied all evening, concern for Deku plaguing his mind. Ideally he wouldn’t have let the boy work this evening but he knew he couldn’t let him leave either, as he may do something stupid if he didn’t have a safe place to go.

Toshinori watched over the club for a long time, seeing patrons come and go from the red booths occasionally while listening to Present Mic’s voice address the club. ‘Deku is on his third client of the evening, that’s not like him,’ Toshinori mused to himself while taking a sip of his drink. ‘He tends to prefer one client a night...something is clearly wrong,’ All Might sighed heavily, he knew without getting the boy to talk about his problems there was little All Might could do except wait. He wanted to offer his help and support but at the same time didn’t want to frighten the boy off.

Toshinori was so lost in thought he nearly didn’t notice the casually dressed blue haired man walk into the club flanked by two thugs, only noticing him when he stopped outside Deku’s booth. The blonde man froze and frowned darkly, watching as he entered the booth and the two thugs stood either side with their backs to the booth while watching the room. He knew exactly who this man was, Shigaraki Tomura, the son of an extremely powerful crime lord who ran the cities underworld with almost no opposition. Tomura was just as sick and twisted as his father, and unfortunately had taken a liking to Deku the moment they had met.

The business All Might was in meant he regularly had dealings with people like Tomura and his father, but at best, he tolerated them. Even though he knew his business dealings were shady, he aimed to keep all his staff safe as happy and safe as possible. The Shigaraki family were the opposite, only looking out for themselves. So when Tomura took such an interest in Deku, he knew it would eventually end badly for the boy. He had warned Deku to stay away from Tomura if he could but the boy had brushed it off, saying he could handle some rich man’s brat of a son and grinned.

Tomura exited the booth with one arm draped over Deku’s shoulder possesvily holding him close and All Might held his breath as Aizawa, one of the clubs senior bouncers, approached them. This was standard procedure if one of the hosts left their booth with a customer. The bouncers and hosts had code words & phrases to ensure that the host had given their consent to move to somewhere more private. After a few moments of discussion Aizawa bowed his head and stepped out of their way and Toshinori’s frown deepened even further as the 2 men followed by Tomura’s thugs exited the club. Turning, Aizawa looked up to where All Might stood on the top floor, and All Might beckoned to him, Aizawa hurried up to him.

“Where did they go?” Toshinori spoke as Aizawa stepped into the VIP area, which was currently empty except for Toshinori. Aizawa let out a sigh shaking his head as he ran his hand through his long dark hair. 

“To a hotel I think. That Shigaraki boy would barely let Deku speak, but he did use his code word to say he’s fine.” Aizawa shrugged looking troubled.

Toshinori sighed again and sat down heavily in one of the chairs, leaning forwards on his knee and rubbing his brows “This can only end badly for Deku”. Both men stood in silence, trying to think of a way to fix the situation but neither came up with a solution. After a few minutes Toshinori spoke. “Thank you Aizawa, you may go.” The dark haired man nodded and left. 

\-------

Izuku swayed slightly and hiccuped behind Shigaraki as the older man opened his hotel room. The two bodyguards had left them, Izuku was so drunk he couldn't even recall what they looked like but they were now alone together and that's all that mattered. Izuku followed Shigaraki into his hotel room, not noticing his surroundings at all as he was directed towards the bed. Shigaraki sat on the end of the bed and indicated for Izuku to kneel on the floor in front of him, giggling Izuku obeyed and knelt in front of him looking up at the older man.

“I do love how obedient you are,” Shigaraki cooed reaching his hand out to Izuku’s hair and petting him like a dog. Izuku smiled and closed his eyes at the touch nuzzling into the hand. A huge part of his brain was screaming in warning, this man is dangerous, this man will hurt you, but he pushed the thoughts down like he always did when he was with Shigaraki-San. Izuku didn't dislike Shigaraki, but he was afraid of him, he had seen some of the things the man was capable of and hoped that anger was never directed at him. 

Izuku heard a slight movement and opened his eyes, he stopped breathing momentarily shocked at the sight of Shigaraki-san millimeters away from his face grinning. Hands slowly slipped around his collarbones and up to the back of his neck, firmly intertwining into Izuku’s hair. Izuku’s heart had began hammering in his chest as he sat there frozen with wide eyes.

Shigaraki-san gently brushed his lips against Izuku’s and spoke quietly “Don’t worry Izuchan, I won’t hurt you,” shivers went down Izuku’s spin at the sudden use of this nickname. He knew that Shigaraki-san knew all about Kaachan and how much he disapproved, so any chance Shigaraki-san got, he’d mock Izuku for it.

Shigaraki-san lent back suddenly making Izuku go cold at the lack of his touch. He stood and moved to a bag on the side, rummaging through hurriedly.

“Bed.” Shigaraki waved at the bed as he pulled items from his bag, and Izuku crawled onto the bed, making himself comfortable on the many pillows. He could feel his pulse racing with anticipation at what was about to happen.

Shigaraki stepped up to the side of the bed and stared down at Izuku, a wicked grin on his face again. “Shirt.” Shigaraki-san commanded, and Izuku quickly pulled his shirt off throwing it to the floor, completely forgetting about all the bruises, cuts and scrapes along with the large bandage wrapped around his forearm instead entirely focused on the needle in Shigaraki-san’s hand. The older man raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment on the injuries. 

He sat down on the bed next to Izuku and took his undamaged arm in his hands, tightly tying a tourniquet around his arm watching the boys face. Izuku’s eyes were fixed on what Shigaraki’s hands were doing without evening blinking. He glanced at the younger boys arm and then stroked at the crook of Izuku’s arm, coaxing out the veins. Faint track marks were still visible from their last adventure into wonderland and Tomura licked his lips at the sight of the scars. 

Picking a vein Shigaraki gently pushed the needle in causing Izuku to take a shuddering breath. Undoing the tourniquet Shigaraki looked up at Izuku whos wide eyes met his, a smile playing about his lips “See you on the other side,” Shigaraki spoke and grinned maliciously before forcing the plunger down.

\-------

The next few days sped by in a blur, with Izuku only really conscious of feelings, sensations and small snippets of conversation with Shigaraki. He would fade back in consciousness briefly before Shigaraki would drag him back under, in to the depths of pure blissful nothingness mixed with the occasional wave of ecstasy and pleasure provided to him by the other man. 

The entire time Shigaraki would use Izuku’s body mercilessly. Tying him to the bed and sexually torturing him throughout the duration of his trip but Izuku was mostly unaware of this treatment, only reacting to the highs of an orgasm or intense pain. 

Half way into the second day Izuku resurfaced, tugging against his bonds and started to panic before his brain sluggishly reminded him where he was, and he relaxed slightly.

He looked down his body and found Shigaraki between his legs buried deep inside him, the older man was pounding his hips forwards into Izuku, grunting with pleasure as he stroked Izuku's hardness in his hand. Shigaraki looked up and their eyes met. 

“Are you back with me?” Shigaraki said in a husky voice deep with lust. All Izuku could do to respond was nod and Shigaraki chuckled, leaning down to bite at Izuku’s neck before move to his ear before speaking.

“Tell me Izuku, who is this ‘Shoto’ you keep moaning for?” Izuku froze at the name and stared at the side of Shigaraki’s head in shook. Shigaraki felt the boys body stiffen and tilted his head up to look at Izuku with a dark chuckle. Izuku was unable to respond, his mouth didn't want to work and his vision sparkled around the edge, threatening to drag him back under. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt him and I won’t tell him all the disgusting things you do for me. As long as you are honest with me.” The smile dropped from Shigaraki’s face and he punctuated his words with very hard pounds of his hips, making Izuku gasp. His entire body hurt, how long had they been doing this? When had he last eaten anything? Izuku had no idea, fear starting to coil up inside him.

“No-one...” Izuku croaked finally able to speak, his voice not wanting to work correctly, “He’s no one. He’s just a friend, I stayed with him for a bit after Kaachan was mean to me. But he means n-nothing to me…” Izuku trailed off and Shigaraki nodded, seeming to take that as an acceptable answer.

“Good, That Katsuki boy is enough trouble for you. I don’t want you getting involved with anyone else. But all the same, I’m going to look into him.” Izuku’s heart dropped at the words, noting how Shigaraki used Kaachan’s first name and the hatred that laced his voice along with the threat towards Shoto. Izuku bit his lip and Shigaraki grabbed something off of the table next to Izuku’s head and abruptly said “Arm.” Without thinking Izuku raised his arm, and before he knew it he was drifting off in oblivion again with Shigaraki still using him. 

\-------

It was barely morning when Izuku surfaced again. His entire body hurt but the restraints had gone and he could feel soft clothes on his body. He lifted his head and looked around the room, his eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness. Stretching out in the bed cautiously, he found no sign of another person and decided to turn the lamp on.

His eyes took a few minutes to adjust, but when they did he looked around the room he was in. Nobody else was there and his eyes were drawn to a note on the bedside table, picking it up he read ‘Izuku, thank you for a wonderful few days, I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to stay here as long as you need but I’ve been called away by my father for urgent business. I’ll see you again soon. Say hello to Katsuki for me.’ Izuku’s blood went cold at the final sentence and he felt immediately sick. Ripping off the blankets from the bed, he darted into the bathroom and emptied the minimal contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Panting Izuku tried his best not to think about the implied threat from Shigaraki, he knew the man was dangerous, and now he was sober he could think rationally about the situation. ‘he wants to hurt kaachan’ Izuku began panicking internally thinking of Kaachan getting hurt because of him. But then he remembered why he'd gone off with Shigaraki and what Kaachan had done to him, trying desperately to ignore the thoughts of Kaachan trying to enter his brain. 

After what seemed like an age, he pulled himself off the floor and pulled off the clothes he was wearing before stepping into the shower. He cleaned himself off as quickly as he could, realising for the first time how sore his behind was and not wanting analyse the reasons why. It was always like this with Shigaraki, the man wanted to be in control of everything and everyone. Even though he liked Izuku, he would still prefer to have him drugged and tied up to ensure that Izuku was obedient. 

After his shower he found his clothes in the bedroom folded neatly and freshly laundered on the side and pulled them on in a rush. He felt twitchy and paranoid like there was someone watching him from behind the mirrors in the room. His skin prickled and itched at the thought of Shigaraki or one of his thugs secretly watching him but he pushed the thoughts aside and rushed out of the hotel room as quickly as he could, wanting to get as far away from there as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Stalking, Rape, Sex, Abuse, aannggsstttttt
> 
> Notes  
> No notes, enjoy and let me know what you think.  
> You guys are making this all worth it! My word doc is now nearly 50 pages long, it's longer than my university dissertation was...  
> WORTH IT.

The previous Thursday, Shoto's point of view.

Shoto had been pacing around his apartment ever since he got home. He was extremely worried about Izuku, he hadn't heard from the boy since lunchtime and Izuku had never before ignored a message, let alone five. Shoto could see he hadn't been online for at least an hour or two now and had tried calling but with no luck. “I'll try one more time, and if he doesn't answer then I'll…” he trailed off. What could he do? He didn't know where Izuku was and he felt so useless, why hadn't he asked more questions about Izuku, like where he worked. He knew where Izuku lived, that was the only place he could try.

Shoto had been attracted to Izuku from the moment they had “met” at the start of their first semester at Tokyo University. It was painfully clear to Shoto however, that Izuku didn't remember the encounter at all. 

Shoto could remember it like it was yesterday. He'd been heading towards the food hall when he had heard someone shouting from inside followed by a loud bang. A few moments later Izuku had burst through the doors and ran straight into Shoto knocking them both to the ground. Dazed, Shoto had gently pushed Izuku off of him and that's when he got his first proper look at the boy. He remembered feeling like his heart had stopped at the sight of the green eyes staring into his in complete shock at finding himself on top of someone else. Izuku had apologised profusely, pulled Shoto to his feet and then ran off again leaving Shoto frozen in place as he watched the other boys retreating back. 

From that moment on Shoto had sought Izuku out at every opportunity. He would watch him eating his lunch, reading in the library, walking to and from classes. At first it started out quite innocently, catching glimpses every now and then, but over the following year and a half Shoto had begun actively following Izuku, taking notes on his favourite things and very occasionally taking a candid photo. He had mapped out most of Izuku's schedule and was able to predict where he would be 90% of the time. 

Because Shoto was so invested in Izuku he couldn't help but notice a huge change in the boys demeanor and personality over that time and random weeks where he would just disappear. For the first month at Tokyo University he had seemed relatively happy but that changed very quickly. Izuku had become withdrawn and paranoid, and this had upset Shoto, especially because he couldn't figure out the reason for the change. 

He had noticed the occasional interaction with another boy, Katsuki Bakugou. These tended to only happen when the two thought they were alone but until a few weeks ago Shoto didn't know how intense these interactions could be, just assuming Bakugou was a bully. 

Shoto had overheard the two boys talking about meeting in the locker rooms later that day when everyone In the school had left, to play one of Bakugou's games - whatever that meant. Shoto recalled how nervous Izuku had been but the boy had agreed anyway. Until now Shoto had believed Izuku to be straight and that he would never have a chance with the boy so he had kept his distance, resigning himself to pine for the boy from afar. But what he saw in the locker room changed that. 

Now that Shoto had a time and place, all he had to do was lie in wait for the two boys to meet. He had. kept himself hidden in a dark corner of the locker room with a clear view of the main section and waited, not knowing what to expect. Izuku had arrived first, twisting his hands together and looking extremely uncomfortable. He went to leave the locker room at least three times before Bakugou had arrived, making Izuku jump. 

Shoto could remember hearing his heart beating In his own ears as he watched Bakugou slam Izuku against the lockers before slapping him hard across the face then capturing his lips in an extremely rough kiss. Shoto's head had begun swimming at that point, it had taken everything he had not to pass out at the realization that Izuku may not be straight after all. 

With wide, staring eyes Shoto watched as Bakugou had removed Izuku's clothing, even though the green haired boy was weakly protesting Bakugou hadn't stopped. 

Shoto stood in the middle of his apartment, still staring at his phone but not seeing it as he reminisced over what he saw that day in the locker room, feeling ashamed and disgusted at his own behaviour. 

Standing in the darkness, hidden from the other two boys view Shoto had become extremely aroused over what he was seeing. He had quietly unbuttoned his trousers and taken himself in his grasp while watching. 

When bakugou had removed all of Izuku's clothes he turned the green hair boy to face the lockers, telling him to bend over. Izuku had been visibly trembling as he placed his hands on the locker doors and stuck his behind out towards Bakugou. The next thing Shoto remembered was Bakugou sticking two fingers into Izuku with a wet noise and hearing Izuku moan for the first time. Shoto nearly came just at that sound. 

Bakugou had been ruthless from there, scissoring open Izuku before taking himself out and pushing deep into Izuku. Izuku wasn't holding back his voice either, he moaned ‘Kaachan’ repeatedly and the entire time Shoto stood, leaning against the wall stroking himself, with the other hand fisted into his mouth to keep him quiet. 

It didn't take Shoto long to orgasm once Izuku started moaning so lustfully. As he did, he slid down the wall, panting as quietly as possible. Shortly after that Bakugou came inside Izuku and then pulled out, quickly buttoning up his pants and letting Izuku drop to the floor in a heap. Bakugou had said “Friday, meet me in that old car park at the back of the University, 6pm” but Izuku didn't answer and Bakugou had kicked Izuku earning a yelp and slight sob from the smaller boy who hurriedly agreed. Bakugou had just grunted in response and left. 

Izuku had stayed in a heap on the floor of the locker room as Bakugou left, crying quietly. Shoto stared at the boy, finally coming to the realization that this wasn't a situation Izuku wanted to be in and starting to feel guilty about his earlier actions. Things started to click together in Shoto's brain and he suddenly realised that Izuku's change in behaviour and obvious depression must be down to how Bakugou had treated him. From where Shoto sat he could see bruises and marks all across Izuku's body and felt sick at not noticing them before. This had clearly been going on for a long time. This had made Shoto extremely angry, not just at Bakugou but at himself. He had been watching Izuku for long and hadn't noticed the pain he was in.

Before Shoto could do anything however, Izuku had slowly risen, dressed and quietly left the locker room. It was then that Shoto had decided that on Friday he would go to the car park Bakugou had been talking about and wait for Izuku, to see if he could in someway help the boy. 

A lone tear ran down Shoto's face as he remembered the pain Izuku had been suffering with until now, blaming himself for not seeing it sooner and trying to save Izuku for that monster Bakugou. Wiping his hand across his face, Shoto decided to try calling Izuku one more time before heading over to his place.

The phone rang five… Six… Seven times before finally it clicked into life and someone answered “Hello, ” a voice that clearly wasn't Izuku's spoke “Deku's phone, he can't talk right now he's… a bit busy” it finished with a snort. 

Shoto's blood ran cold and his mouth went dry “Bakugou?” he growled. 

“Oh Shoto-san, is that you?” he said, voice drenched in sarcasm, “What the fuck do you want?” Shoto could make out the sounds of movement in the background with the noise of rustling sheets and heavy breathing.

“Where is Izuku?” Shoto spoke with barley concealed anger.

“Why the fuck does it matter to you half and half bastard? He's mine, not yours, so fuck off,”  
Shoto flinched away from the phone at the shouting voice.

“Izuku doesn't belong to you, or anyone for that matter, “Shoto replied coldly.

“Oh yeah?” there was a pause and Shoto heard a clicking sound. “We'll see about that shall we?” again Shoto could hear movement and began feeling sick 

“Deku, Tell your little boyfriend who you belong to.”  
Shoto stopped breathing at the sob he heard from Izuku. “Kaachan! I belong to Kaachan.” 

Shoto froze at the sound of Izuku's voice, he could hear the pain and fear in it. His heart began to race and he spoke quickly, “Tell me where you are Izuku.”

But Bakugou laughed in response “He wouldn't dare, would you Deku. Instead, tell your little boyfriend what I'm doing to you right now.”

Shoto gulped, not wanting to hear the answer but he couldn't move. It was like the phone was glued to his head. No matter how much he wanted to hang up and run away, he couldn't. 

He heard a mumbled response from Izuku, then a loud thud accompanied by a small yelp and then Izuku's distressed voice again “Kaachan is fucking me hard”. Shoto felt sick, the occasional slapping noises and panting breaths made sense. A part of him had already known this was happening but he didn't want to believe it. He knew Izuku didn't want this, he could tell by his voice but Shoto was helpless, he didn't know where they were or how he could help.

The noises continued as Shoto stood there, not knowing what to do. He eventually managed to remove the phone from him head, hang up and throw it onto the sofa as if it had burned him. 

Shoto felt sick, he kept picking his phone up to call or message Izuku and then change his mind. He spent nearly an hour pacing his room trying to figure out what to do. 

In the end he grabbed his bike keys, jacket and helmet and stormed out of the apartment. 

Driving as fast as as the roads allowed him he sped over to Izuku's place, he knew where it was from when he had taken Izuku to collect some things earlier that week. He also knew he lived with his mother but she was hardly ever home. 

Pulling up outside the apartment block, Shoto yanked off the helmet and ran up the stairs to Izuku's door. He momentarily hesitated before hammering his fist on the door and then waited. And waited. A full minute passed and he began to lose hope, banging on the door again and pressing his ear to it to see if he could hear anything but there was no noise. 

He turned, leaning his forehead against the door and screwed up his eyes trying not to panic at the rising dread in his stomach. Slowly he opened his eyes, looking at the floor and then blinked. Dropping into a crouch he noticed a small trail of red drops. Reaching out he wiped one of his fingers through the stain and found it to be wet, rubbing it between his fingers. He knew it was blood and his heart sank even lower. 

Slowly standing he walked back to his bike, dazed and confused, with no immediate plan. He felt hollow and empty, he had completely failed Izuku and brought him even more pain and suffering. It was all Bakugou's fault… Bakugou… Shoto's head snapped up and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. After a quick search of the school directory, Google and Facebook he had found Bakugou's number. Without hesitation Shoto keyed the number into his phone and dialed. 

Ring ring… ring ring… Shoto was holding his breath… Ring ring… ring ring… ‘maybe this was a bad idea, this could make the situation worse’… Ring ring… Ring ring… ‘maybe I should just hang u…’

The phone clicked and voice barked at the other end “Who the hell is this?”

Shoto snapped back to himself and spoke as calmly as he could down the phone. “Bakugou, this is Todoroki. Where is Izuku?” 

Silence. Shoto quickly checked his phone to see if Bakugou had hung up, but the line was still connected. 

“How did you get my number, half and half bastard?” Bakugou didn't shout, instead a cool anger laced his voice, calm and deadly.

“The Internet.” Todoroki replied bluntly. 

Bakugou snorted and said “You've got fucking balls, idiot, Deku's clearly got you whipped.” 

Shoto could feel the anger boiling under his skin but was managing to remain calm. 

“Look, I don't know where the fuck that fucking nerd has run off to this time. I'm guessing you checked his house? Or are you that stupid you didn't even look there?” Todoroki frowned slightly at Bakugou's words, although it was clear he was pissed off not everything Bakugou was saying lined up. 

“No one is answering at his house. What do you mean this time?” Shoto asked, trying to get more Information.

Bakugou snorted again. “He hasn't let you in on any of his dirty little secrets then? I won't spoil the surprise for you. But he runs off every now and then, acting like the little crybaby whore he is.”

“Do you know where he is?” Todoroki growled, nearly losing his temper.

“Yeah, I think I do. But I'm not telling you, so fuck off.” Bakugou spat and then the line went dead. 

\---

The next few days went by in a haze of fear and anguish. Shoto was terrified for Izuku, not knowing where he was or what state he might be in. Shoto had sent over 40 messages and called at least a dozen times but the line had gone dead and said the number he was dialing was currently switched off. He would lay awake at night tossing and turning, trying to figure out where Izuku might be but no luck.

When Monday rolled around Shoto wandered the school looking for Izuku, hoping that maybe someone had seen him. Of the few people he had ever seen Izuku with none of them had seen him recently. 

Nothing more happened until Tuesday afternoon, when his phone buzzed. Shoto shot up in the middle of class, recognising the vibrate pattern he had set for Izuku. Pulling his phone out and unlocking it quickly, he saw a short message from Izuku ‘I'm at the cafe near your apartment’ and that was it. In the middle of the lecture Shoto bolted out of the room, earning glares from everyone, but not caring. Knowing, or at least hoping he was finally going to get to see Izuku.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> None this chapter really, just all the feels
> 
> Notes  
> I hope you enjoy this latest chapter! Please do let me know what you think! And any theories on where this will go!

It was a grey miserable day that Izuku had stepped out into. He stood near the edge of the hotel sheltering from the rain, groggy and dazed at being outside on his feet in the middle of the day. He looked down at what he was wearing at that point and finally noticed that he had gained a hoodie that wasn’t his. He’d been so caught up in leaving the hotel that he hadn’t even noticed. He assumed that Shigaraki-san had left it for him as it was clearly his size. Rummaging in the pockets he found an envelope.

Izuku turned the envelope over in his hands, reading “For my Izuku” on the front and shivering with a grimace at the words written in Shigaraki-san’s handwriting. Trying to ignore the spine tingling chill that was working it’s way down his back he ripped open the envelope. The contents didn’t surprise him, as he pulled out a thick stack of money and thumbed through the notes. Shigaraki-san always left him money for their time together, though Izuku never asked for it as he was only there to get high and already got that for free. “It’s a bonus I suppose, I can use it to get a new phone” he mumbled quietly to himself before shoving the money and envelope back into his pocket.

Looking up Izuku vaguely recognised where he was. It wasn’t the normal hotel Shigaraki-san usually brought him to but it was reasonably close to the club. Glancing up and down the street Izuku suddenly realised he had no idea what day it was, and wasn’t even sure on what time it was. This made him feel extremely uncomfortable. With his phone out of action he had no other choice but to head to the club, he knew he should at least check in and assure All Might he was still alive. All Might always worried when Izuku went off with Shigaraki-san, and if he had his way he would stop Izuku seeing the man altogether. 

Pulling his hood up and shoving his hands deep into his pockets Izuku began to walk hurriedly back to the club but the task wasn’t intense enough to stop his mind wandering. So much had happened in the last two weeks ‘I meet Shoto and spent the most glorious week of my life with him.’ Izuku thought with a small smile as he walked, ‘Then on Thursday Kaachan found out and he...’ Izuku didn’t know what word to use as he thought about Kaachan, trying hard not to think of the ordeal he had put him through, and settled on thinking ‘...he punished me.’ This thought made Izuku feel sick, he hated to be a disappointment or a burden to anyone, and in the last week he had been both to Kaachan. Izuku knew he deserved what Kaachan had done to him, but he also didn’t want to stop seeing Shoto. Shoto made him feel things he never thought possible and he didn’t want to give that up.

‘After that, I was an idiot and I hurt myself…’ Izuku grabbed his wrist at this thought, and noted that it only ached a little bit now, indicating it had been at least a few days since he’d hurt himself. ‘I then went to the club…’ Izuku frowned, as his memory became hazy ‘Friday night… Yeah, I was at the club Friday night and I drank...a lot’ he rubbed at his temple as he walked, trying to clear the haze left over by the alcohol and drugs. ‘Shigaraki-san came in...he took me away with him...’ but thats where Izuku’s memories stopped. He had vague recollections of tiny snippets of conversation or heated scenes between him and Shigaraki-san that made his blush but that was it. Grumbling to himself Izuku tried to piece it together to figure out how long he’d been with Shigaraki-san but couldn’t. In the end he gave up and resided himself to the fact that the last few days were lost to him.

He found himself back at the club after a wet walk and let himself in through the back entrance. He could hear some people moving around further into the club but slipped into the locker room before they could see him. Unfortunately the locker room was not empty. A couple of the other hosts were milling around in the seating area as well as two of the bartenders and one of the bouncers. Nobody noticed him at first as he walked in quickly and quietly bolted over to his locker, but about 5 steps away from his locker an eerie silence fell over the room behind him and he froze feeling all the eyes in the room on him.

“Welcome back Deku,” a stern voice said making him jump and turn to face the group, it was Aizawa who had spoken. Izuku smiled sheepishly and placed a hand on the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Thanks Aizawa-san…” Izuku said in a weak embarrassed voice. Everyone in the seating area just stared at Deku as he fidgeted under their gaze. Another person spoke up breaking the silence.

“Where have you been man? We’ve all been worried about you,” It was Kirishima who had spoken, staring daggers at Izuku but Izuku just laughed awkwardly not making eye contact and said “I’ve been with a client of course.” He pulled out the wodge of cash from his pocket and waved it about slightly to give his story credibility. Kirishima frowned but before he could speak the blonde haired host sat next to him piped up, “How is that fair? Deku gets all the best clients, throw some of them my way next time yeah?” Kaminari spoke and threw himself heavily back in his chair with a sigh, but this distracted Kirishima who laughed. 

“Dude, all of Deku’s clients are men, you know that right?” Kirishima said and then punched his friend in the shoulder. Kaminari punched him back and then shrugged.

“For that kind of money Kiri, I’d swing in any direction.” This earned another barking laugh from Kirishima who started a heated lecture about how if he’d known all he needed to do to get his best friend to swing that way was to offer him a ton of money, he would have done it ages ago.

Everyone’s attention seemed to have turned to the discussion now very loudly going on between Kirishima and Kaminari so Izuku took the opportunity to turn back to his locker but was brought up short when he found Aizawa leaning against the one next to his, eyeing him up. Keeping his eyes firmly on the ground Izuku walked up to his locker and hurriedly opened it making himself busy with the contents.

“Deku… All Might has been extremely worried about you. If you hadn’t shown up today, we were going to call the police.” Aizawa spoke quietly, as to not draw the attention of anyone else in the room but Izuku heard him clearly. He stopped going through his belongings and began to feel the guilt seeping into his stomach as he looked up at Aizawa for the first time. Aizawa’s face showed only concern for Izuku and his made him feel even more guilty as he dropped his gaze to Aizawa’s feet. 

“Listen, it’s clear you are going through a lot at the moment but I’m here to make sure you are safe, and if you leave the building I can’t do my job and I can’t protect you. I can’t force you to stay Deku, but I highly recommend you do not leave with that man again.” Aizawa paused, to see if Deku would respond but he didn’t, so he continued. “I’m not sure you fully grasp the level of danger you put yourself in when you leave with him. He’s a despicable man Deku, please don’t forget that. He’s done terrible things and will continue to do terrible things and get away with it.” Aizawa pushed away from the lockers. With his back to Deku, he spoke again “All Might isn’t around right now, but I’ll report your return to him as soon as he’s back so he can stop worrying.” With that Aizawa left the locker room, leaving Izuku alone at his locker.

He stood, staring into his locker with the crashing weight of the guilt he was feeling falling down around him. His hands shook and his eyes stung with unwanted tears. ‘Useless, pathetic, waste of space, inconvenience, burden…’ self hated swum around inside Izuku’s head as he stood shaking with silent tears as all the emotions he was feeling welled up inside him.

Suddenly a set of strong arms wrapped around him and he let out a gasp as he tried to get away but couldn’t. “Hay, Deku it’s okay. Take a deep breath man.” It was Kirishima. He held Izuku tightly, whispering calming words into his ear as Izuku sobbed silently clutching onto Kirishima’s wrists for support. After a few minutes Izuku’s sobs turned into small hiccups and he gently pulled away from Kirishima and turned around to face the red haired boy who smiled reassuringly. 

“I’m sorry!” Izuku blurted out, “I’m so sorry Kirishima, I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m such an idiot. You shouldn’t worry about me, I’m not worth…” 

“Woah woah, slow down there Deku,” Kirishima said holding his hands up, Izuku sniffled but stopped speaking. “Look man, you’re my friend. It’s cool if you don’t want to talk about your problems now or even ever. But I’m here for you. I got your back. Okay?”

Izuku looked up at Kirishima with wide bloodshot eyes, confusion written across his face and Kirishima chuckled, pulling Deku into another tight hug. Izuku was too surprised to react and just let it happen. Kirishima pulled away and spoke “I’ve got to start my shift now man, clients to see and all that. But just call me if you need anything, ever. Okay?” Izuku nodded and Kirishima grinned, just before he left the locker room he shouted over his shoulder at Izuku, “Oh and don’t you dare work today, go home and rest! You clearly need it.” 

\------

Izuku sat in a corner of a coffee shop with a large steaming mug of hot chocolate and a sandwich which he had nibbled at. After his chat with Kirishima he had grabbed his broken phone from the locker and some other belongings and headed off to buy a new phone. Thankfully his sim card was still intact so he just needed to purchase a new phone and didn’t need to worry about getting a new number.

As he drank his hot chocolate he carefully dismantled his old phone and recovered the sim card before placing it in the new phone and switched it on. As it loaded he ate some more of his food staring ideally in space unable to concentrate on much else other than his chewing.

The phone pinged into life as it loaded and then to Izuku’s horror it began pinging repeatedly as it loaded message after message, missed call after missed call. He stared open mouthed at the device as it loaded all the notifications. He hardly ever got more than one or two messages a week and at first couldn’t understand why he had so many messages, until he opened up the device and saw messages from 3 different numbers. He recognised all the numbers, his mum, Shoto and to his dismay, Kaachan.

With trembling hands he unlocked the phone, taking note of the day as he did. Tuesday. He had been with Shigaraki-san for just over 3 days this time, that had to be a new record. But Izuku couldn't focus on that right now. He read the two messages from him mum first

“Izuku, please let me know when you’ll be home.” Saturday afternoon

“If you are busy working or with you friends, the least you could do is tell me.” Monday evening.

Izuku bit his lip. He and his mother hadn’t had the best relationship since they had moved to Tokyo. She had taken up drinking, lost every job she had picked up and spent most of her time ignoring Izuku who she blamed from dragging her to Tokyo in the first place and for his father leaving. If she wasn’t ignoring him she was yelling and screaming at him instead. He did everything he could to stay out of her way these days. He hastily typed a reply “Sorry mum, I’ve been working all weekend and then studying at a friends house. My phone broke on Thursday but I’ve got a new one now. Not sure when I’ll next be home.” Sending the reply he moved on to Kaachan’s messages.

“You fucking Idiot nerd, what the hell are you playing at? That half and half bastard just called me asking where the fuck you are. But don’t worry, I didn’t tell him you’re a disgusting whore and that you were probably fucking some old dude in that host club of yours.” Thursday evening.

“Deku, tell me that you’re fucking alive so I don’t have to come and fucking find you myself, idiot.” 1am Monday morning. ‘1am?’ Izuku thought, ‘Why was Kaachan messaging me at 1am?” Izuku frowned and slowly typed a reply. Unsure of what to say. 

“Hi Kaachan, yes I am still alive. I’m sorry If I worried you, I’ve been working.” Izuku stared at the message, unsure if it was the correct thing to say, but after a few moments of hesitation sent it anyway and sighed before moving onto the mass of messages from Shoto.

“Izuku, where are you? Please tell me” Thursday evening.

“Please answer me Izuku, I’m so worried about you” Thursday evening.

“I’m walking around the streets near your house, please answer me” Thursday night.

“Izuku… please answer me.” Early Friday morning.

“Just send me a message, or a sign that you are okay. I don’t know what to do Izuku, please.” Friday afternoon.

The messages continued on like this, izuku read through all 46 of them, his hands shaking as he did. The final message from Shoto nearly broke him completely.

“Izuku, I’m scared I won’t ever see you again. Where have you gone? You are the most precious thing in my life and I just want you back in my arms again, I want to protect you and hold you. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you ever again. Please come back to me, please I’m begging you.”

Izuku hadn’t noticed he was crying until he saw the tears hit the screen of his phone. His hands were shaking so much, all he could do was type a quick reply “I'm at the cafe near your apartment” and hit send. No reply came, so Izuku just sat and stared at the phone waiting for a response for half an hour. Distantly Izuku heard to tinkling of the doorbell to the shop ring but didn’t look up, still staring at his phone waiting for a reply. But a few moments later strong slender arms threw themselves around his shoulders making him yelp as he was tackled by Shoto in a bone breaking hug. When Izuku came to his senses he threw his arms around Shoto in return and wept silently into his shoulder. 

“It’s okay Izuku, its okay, I’m here now. I’ve got you,” Shoto whispered to Izuku, kissing the top of his head as he held the smaller boy, feeling him trembling in his arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> I'm sorry... Maybe get some tissues?... I'm not crying, shut up.
> 
> Notes  
> So, my life sort of blew up recently and I've barely had the time to breath let alone write, I'm so sorry this took forever to update, but I'll try and have another update as soon as possible. I estimate this story has another 10-15 chapters left with the plot I have planned out, and It won't get much better for our baby cinnamon bun for at least another 7-10..... I'M SORRY T_T BUT I PROMISE IT WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!.... EVENTUALLY.

In the corner of the cafe, out of sight of the rest of the shop, Shoto held Izuku tightly as he cried silently. As he pulled the smaller boy closer he could feel his own arms shaking and his heart pounding in his chest. He felt as if he had been reunited with a part of himself that he never thought he was going to get back. Shoto stayed like that, with his arms locked around Izuku until Izuku's sobs turned into a small hiccups and his breathing returned to normal. 

Loosening his grip on Izuku's shoulders slightly, he stepped back just enough so they could look at each other. Izuku's face was red and blotchy as he stared up at Shoto with lips slightly parted. Shoto smiled gently and placed his hand on Izuku's cheek, who immediately closed his eyes and nuzzled into the hand. “Izuku…” Shoto let out in a breathy whisper, fighting back his own tears now. 

Izuku's eyes opened again and he looked down at his knees, leaning out of Shoto's grip suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed. Shoto let his hands drop to his side and he felt the boy pull away, even though he itched to hold Izuku again and never let him go. Taking a steadying breath Shoto put his calm mask back on his face, and pulled up a chair next to Izuku. As he did he noticed the two phones on the table. 

“You… Broke your phone?” Shoto said in a tone of disbelief while staring blankly at the shattered glass. Izuku just nodded in response but didn't look up.

“I broke it Thursday and haven't had a chance to get a new one until today because I was working…” Izuku mumbled.

Shoto's eyes widened at the mention of the day but didn't say anything about it. “You could have come to my place and told me, or seen me at school… Or borrowed someone else's… Izuku I've been so worried…” he trailed off staring at the top of Izuku's head. Izuku's hands were fiddling away in his lap, uncomfortable with this topic of conversation. After a long moment of silence, In an attempt to change the subject Shoto said in a gentle voice, “Where do you work anyway? You never told me.” 

Izuku stiffened and looked up at Shoto, his face going pale as he blurted out “A bar, on the other side of town, you wouldn't know it,” without barely a breath Izuku raced on, “I'm sorry Shoto, I didn't know you'd be this worried, I should have found a way to contact you sooner, but after what you heard on the phone I thought you would never want to see a slut like me ever again.” Izuku finished in a rush and then, shocked at what he'd said out loud clasped his hands over his mouth, cheeks turning bright red.

Shoto just blinked at the sudden outburst from Izuku, unsure how to react to his shift in mood but smiled lopsidedly and leant forwards to whisper, “I'd never think such things of you Izuku, I know you didn't want it to happen and that you didn't enjoy it at all…” Shoto frowned, getting lost in the thoughts of what he had overheard on the phone last week and shivering slightly with a grimace on his face.

Silence stretched between the two boys for a long while, both lost in the memories of the ordeal of the previous week. Shoto pulled himself back to the present and could see the agony on Izuku's face, before he could think he stood so quickly the chair almost fell over making Izuku jump and snap back to the present. Holding out his hand Shoto said “Come back to my place, we can talk more openly there.” Izuku hesitated for less than half a second before taking Shoto's hand, but that half a second felt like an eternity to Shoto, who was so scared of being rejected by the boy he loved. Because Shoto now knew unequivocally, that he loved Izuku with every fibre of his being.

\-----

They arrived at Shoto's apartment a short while later, after a pleasant walk where they talked about mundane topics such as the weather and university gossip. But Shoto couldn't help but feel on edge, it was like Izuku was a wild bird that had landed on his wrist to take a bite of his food, one small movement would scare him away with no hope of returning.

As Izuku stepped through the front door he took a deep breath and unconsciously relaxed at the smell of Shoto's apartment. He couldn't quite put his finger on what the smell reminded him of, an open fire in the woods perhaps or a forest after a downpour. Or maybe even the first frost of winter, the kind that catches you off guard when you step outside and bites at your ears and nose so unexpectedly but then everything glistens and sparkles in the early morning light and you forget all your troubles and just marvel at its glory.

Shoto moved up close behind Izuku, who seemed to have completely zoned out as he stood there breathing deeply. He leant down to Izuku's ear, a breath's widths away grinning and whispered “Izuku.” 

The green haired boy jumped so hard he nearly head butted Shoto. Spinning around so quickly Izuku unbalanced, almost falling but Shoto grabbed his wrist and steadied him before he could. Izuku's freckled cheeks blazed red as he tried to regain his composure and Shoto just grinned. 

“Sorry…” Izuku muttered sheepishly, embarrassed by his reaction. Shoto just laughed and shrugged before gently brushing passed Izuku and heading to the kitchen. Izuku hurried to keep up with him.

Almost immediately they fell back into their routine of the previous week, as if they had done this hundreds of times before. Izuku helped put away dishes and tidy the living area, make the bed and hang the washing. They continued their mundane discussions about their hobbies, school work and other easy topics of conversation. Shoto was trying to keep the conversation clear of anything that might trigger Izuku, thinking it better to keep him calm for now. ‘He'll talk to me when he's ready’ Shoto thought to himself over and over whenever his mind came up with another question about the previous few days. But unfortunately that all came crashing down shortly after dinner.

Izuku was curled up on the sofa, staring unseeing at the TV while Shoto, instead of watching the TV watched Izuku from the other end. Without thinking Shoto spoke “I'm so glad you're back Izuku, I was so worried about you.”

Izuku's posture changed almost imperceptibly as he stiffened where he sat, jaw clenching. Shoto's face dropped as he realised he had said the wrong thing. “I don't mean anything by it Izuku, I just care about you a lot.” This seemed to worsen the situation as Izuku bit his lip and moved slowly so he was sat on the edge of the sofa instead. Shoto shuffled closer to Izuku, gently taking Izuku's chin in his hand and tilting the boys face to his. Izuku was as pale as snow, eyes wide with fear. Shoto just wanted to make things better so he quickly closed the gap between them, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against Izuku's, there was a brief moment of pure bliss. Shoto felt fireworks in his stomach as their lips met but it was short lived. Izuku burst into life shoving Shoto away stumbling to his feet leaving a stunned Shoto half collapsed on the sofa in shock. 

Izuku bolted for the door, stumbling as he shoved his feet into his shoes, tears pouring down his face as he reached for the door handle. Before he could turn it however a hand slammed against it next to Izuku's head, making Izuku jump and spin around, only find Shoto about a foot away from his face looking petrified. Izuku's eyes darted to the hand next to his head, tears coming faster at the sight of it, and shoto cursed internally before quickly removing his hand but maintaining his position. 

“I'm leaving Shoto!” Izuku blurted out. “I don't deserve someone like you in my life, you're too good to me, too pure. I'll end up destroying you and your life, I'll make you miserable just like I make Kaachan miserable. I'm a disgusting filthy whore who doesn't deserve you.” Izuku sobbed out. 

“Izuku, no you're not, don't say..” but Izuku interrupted with a shout. 

“Shut up!” he put his hands over his ears and clenched his eyes shut. “Please shut your perfect lips! I can't do this to you, you don't deserve the pain I'll bring you!” Shoto tried to put his hands on top of Izuku's, to try and give some comfort to the boy, to try and show him he didn't think of Izuku that way. Panic was rising in Shoto's chest now, everything was falling apart right in front of him and he couldn't seem to hold it together. Izuku's eyes flew open as Shoto's hands rested on his, eyes wide he stared into Shoto's terrified ones moving his hands away from his ears slowly. 

Shoto's lips moved but the words didn't make any sense, Izuku could feel bile at the back of his throat and croaked out a “what?” as he stared at Shoto's lips, he heard the words this time. 

“I said… I love you Izuku…” Shoto held his breath as he stared at Izuku, waiting for some sign of a response or recognition of the words, but before Shoto could do anything Izuku's hands slammed into Shoto's chest, pushing him so hard he fell backwards and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. By the time he had recovered enough to look up Izuku had the door pulled wide and was half way through it, looking back over his shoulder.

Shoto's heart stopped at the expression on Izuku's face, agony, sorrow, longing, all mingled in with tears pouring down his flushed cheeks as he shook his head, “No, you can't love me, I'm a worthless, disgusting, vile creature, you deserve better than… Me…” he spat the last word with disgust, before whispering with a whimper “P-please Shoto… Don't follow me…” and with that Izuku slammed the door and ran. 

Shoto stared at the door paralysed with fear at what he had just lost. How had he messed up so badly? He couldn't understand why Izuku was running away, or how the conversation had gone down hill so quickly. Shoto pulled his knees to his chest and held them tight as he began to shake with silent sobs. He thought bitterly to himself “Perhaps this karma, getting me back for not helping him sooner.” The thought brought no comfort and instead broke his heart further as he sat rocking back and forth on the floor, tears finally breaking free as his heart shattered into pieces.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM, you have been warned. 
> 
> Notes  
> A new chapter already?! This is kind of filler but the next chapter will be super juicy ;)

Standing directly outside the door he had just slammed, Izuku stood frozen in place staring. His blood shot eyes stared unblinking at its surface, waiting and hoping for something to happen. He could hear is heart pounding in his ears. Thump thump thump. Nothing, the door didn't open. Thump thump thump. Still nothing, Izuku clenched his fisits tightly digging his nails into his palms. Thump thump thu-... His heart stopped as he heard a noise from inside the apartment, a noise like a wounded animal falling to pieces. That's all it took to break Izuku's resolve and he ran. 

He didn't stop running until he was at least two blocks away, where he crumpled against a wall in an alley off of the main street. Panting he tried to catch his breath, clinging to his side as the pain from a stitch ripped through him with every breath. 

‘What the heck is wrong with me? Shoto actually likes me, why did I run away? But I'd just hurt him so it's better I stay away. If Kaachan finds out I've seen him he could hurt me again, or worse go after Shoto. It's just like Kaachan says, I'm pathetic and useless. I couldn't possibly make someone happy. I just bring misery to everyone around me. I don't deserve to be happy.’ Izuku sat on the ground of the ally for a long time lost in a spiral of self hatred, steadily descending into the darkness.

After what could have been minutes or hours an eerie calm fell over Izuku and he stood eyes still red from tears. He began walking, keeping his eyes downcast so anyone he saw on the street wouldn't see his dishevelled state. After a long walk he found himself returning home. Stopping outside of his front door he hesitated, hand hovering over the handle. His body felt heavy with exhaustion, his eyes barely staying open. Weariness had infected every inch of his body and he knew if he entered his home, his mother would be there and they would fight. But he also knew if he turned up to his only other safe haven, the club, All Might would take one look at him and send him home anyway. 

Stealing himself he grabbed the handle and entered the apartment. He could hear movement in one of the other rooms before the small woman that was Izuku's mother stormed into the hallway and stared daggers at her son. “Izuku, ” she spat at him making him fidget under her gaze. She walked closer to him and scowled. “Where have you been?”

“I texted you mum, I was at work and I broke my phone…” he glanced at her eyes but quickly looked away as she glared at him.

“You're such a terrible son. Did you even think about me? Or my feelings? You left me here alone, anything could have happened to me, I could have died and you wouldn't of known, or eve cared I bet.” She started softly but grew into a shout, slowly moving into Izuku's personal space making him cringe away. He could smell the booze rolling off of her, getting stronger the closer she got and began to panic internally trying to move away from her. “You really are an awful son, what did I ever do to deserve such a useless ungrateful boy. I put a roof over your head, food in your mouth and this is how you repay me? Staying out for days on end not even a message. You disgust me.”

Izuku had backed up against the front door, his mother inches from his face. “I'm sorry mum.. I am…” 

CRACK. A hand whipped across Izuku's face so hard his head turned sideways leaving a nasty red handprint on his cheek. He stared wide-eyed at his mother as she stormed off with a slight wobble, back to the living room, leaving Izuku in shock against the front door. 

\------

Hours later Izuku sat at his desk, curled up in his desk chair staring into space. He couldn't sleep, he tried for a few hours but nasty thoughts kept creeping into his head about the last time he'd been in his own bed and what had happened. He'd had to get out, resigning himself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep in his own bed for a long time. He'd thought longingly of Shoto's bed, where he had felt safer than he had in a very long time. But thoughts of Shoto made him feel guilty so he pushed them deep down and ignored them.

Instead he had sat at his desk ideally fiddling with his blade that he'd left embedded in his bedroom floor. Every time a thought had entered his mind he didn't want to think about, he would cut a small scratch into his thigh, hours had passed and his thigh now resembled a patchwork quilt with blood trickling down the sides. He felt numb inside, the pain from his leg not registering any longer. At first he had felt guilty about breaking his promise to All Might but he forced himself to ignore it and added another cut to the pile. 

He had forced away all of his painful memories of the last few weeks and his mind had gone blank. Nothing threatening at the edges of his consciousness and instead pure oblivion slowly dragged him down into a dreamless sleep.

\------

Bang bang bang. Izuku stirred in his sleep, shifting slightly in his chair. Bang bang bang. Scrunching his eyes tight he tired to roll over and ignore the sound. BANG BANG BANG. Opening one eye his consciousness slowly came back to him and he realised there was a voice attached to the banging. 

“Izuku so help me. If you don't get out of bed and go to that damn school of yours I'm going to kick this door down and drag you there myself!” his mother shouted from outside the door, continuing her banging and Izuku groaned stretching his legs out. 

“I'm up mum, I'm up! I'll leave soon,” he shouted back with a slightly croaky voice. She huffed and he could hear her stomping away. Izuku sighed and looked down at his leg as he stretched, wincing at the pain from all the cuts on his thigh. He just stared at them for a long moment, mind blank and chest numb. The logical part of his brain knew he should regret what he'd done but nothing could break through the numbness in his chest. Instead he just stood, stripped out of his night clothes and pulled on the first clean outfit he could find. 

He had no intention of going to the university today however. The thought of possibly seeing Shoto or Kaachan made his head spin. Instead he left the house, saying goodbye to his mother and went to work. 

Izuku continued this pattern for the next five days. Going home but barely sleeping, hurting himself in places not visible to others, going to the club to work, drinking too much and throwing himself at every client that walked into his booth. Many of the people working at the club had expressed their concerns over Izuku's recent behaviour but he'd brushed it off with a convincing laugh or smile and then carried on about his night. 

Izuku would have probably kept this pattern up if he hadn't received a text message from Kaachan late Sunday night that finally broke through the numbness. 

“I haven't seen you around campus this week. Get your fucking head out your ass you damn shitty nerd and get back to school before I have to come and fucking get you myself.”

Panic had risen in him as he read the words on his screen when he returned home from work that night. The message didn't really call for a reply so he didn't. But the panic seeped into his stomach and made him bring up everything he had drunk that night in the club. He knew he'd have to return now.

Izuku had been getting steadily more worried about missing school over the last two days, and this message from Kaachan had sealed his decision in returning on Monday even though he still wanted to avoid both boys as much as possible. 

\------

It felt strange returning to the university after over a weeks absence. He'd spent so long in the club he'd nearly forgotten what daylight and fresh air was. As he had no real friends, no one had noticed he hadn't been there. Izuku kept his head low and went from class to class without seeing either Shoto or Kaachan. Leaving swiftly at the end of each day. 

But again Thursday was his downfall. He had been held back after class by a particularly picky professor who had actually noticed his absences and wanted a word. When he was finally released from the classroom the school had seemed deserted, so Izuku felt safe in entering the bathroom to splash some water on his face to help him calm down after being grilled on his whereabouts. As he stood up from the sink and looked in the mirror he nearly screamed an spun around. Shoto was standing there, expressionless even as Izuku stood there, flustered by the other boys sudden appearance. 

“Shoto!” he squeaked, panic in his voice, “Where did you come from??” 

Shoto's eyebrows twitched into the faintest of frowns before speaking quietly, “Izuku, I've missed you so much… Can we talk?”

Izuku just bit his lip and just stared at the ground in response. 

“Fine, you listen, I'll talk.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Self harm references, violence, anger 
> 
> Notes   
> Who do you think Deku will end up with???? ;)
> 
> And we haven't seen the last of Tomura yet either. Heheh

The room was cold, and had a strong smell of bleach lingering in the air. The sound of a leaky pipe could be heard dripping slowly in one of the toilet cubicles, the only thing breaking the electric silence that had stretched between the two boys.

Izuku raised his head enough to take in Shoto's appearance and to his dismay saw how dishevelled the other boy looked. Raising his head further he saw Shoto's face, cheekbones popping like he hadn't eaten a decent meal in a week. Dark shadows lingering under his eyes from lack of sleep. Pain ripped through Izuku at the sight of Shoto looking like this, ‘this is my fault, all my fault, I knew I'd hurt him’ Izuku thought to himself bitterly.

“Izuku…” Shoto spoke the name softly, almost caressing it as he spoke but Izuku flinched like he'd been slapped. Scrunching his eyes shut he began shaking his head, backing up against the sink behind him. “No, no, no, Shoto you should leave, I'll just hurt you more and I can't bear that.”

“Izuku, please… Let me say my piece.” There was so much desperation in his voice that Izuku unconsciously looked back up and opened his eyes again, Shoto smiled weakly taking Izuku's attention as permission to speak.

“I don't know where to start exactly, but I'll just try and say it as best I can. I've been watching you from a distance for over a year and a half now. I don't think you remember how we actually first met, but it was about a week after we both started here. You came running out of the food hall at full pelt and ran straight into me, the moment I saw your eyes I…” he trailed of gesturing meekly around himself, unable to find the words. Izuku in spite of himself found he was leaning into Shoto's words, barely breathing as he spoke. Eyes wide and unblinking he watched Shoto as he tried to find the words. 

“Izuku, I fell In love with you the moment your eyes met mine. I've been in love with you ever since. I never thought I'd actually get the know you or become close to you like I have. I want to be with you, I don't care about all that stuff you said. Just being with you is enough for me. You are everything to me.” 

Tears had been steadily working there way down Izuku's face as Shoto spoke. Izuku was shaking his head again, but Shoto continued anyway, taking a small step forwards towards Izuku.

“I want to protect you from harm, I want to look after you. I'll be there for you no matter what. I'd do anything for you. A-anything!” Shoto voice cracked slightly on the last word, failing at holding back his emotions.

But Izuku was too far into the darkness to understand the meaning behind Shoto's words, now shaking his head more vigorously.

“Please stop Shoto,” Izuku spoke with an eerie calm in his voice, despite the tears pouring down his face, “You're worth so much more than me, you deserve so much better than me. I'm pathetic and useless. You can't love something like me, no one can.”

“Izuku, no don't say-” but Izuku cut him off, raising his voice and losing the little composure he'd managed to gain.

“STOP IT!” he yelled, “Just stop it! I can't hurt you, not you! You are the only good thing that I've had in my life, and if you stay around me I will destroy you. I won't allow it, I can't!” Izuku glared at Shoto, who's face remained expressionless as he replied.

“But pushing me away will hurt me more…” Shoto's words were quiet but Izuku kept pushing.

“It’s better this way, please just give up on me and save yourself from the pain and agony I would cause you. You can do so much better than m-me…” Izuku hiccuped, losing his will to fight with the final word and turned his back on Shoto, shutting down the conversation. Staring into the sink Izuku heard Shoto moving and flinched slightly when a hand rested on his shoulder. Leaning into Izuku's ear Shoto whispered “I'm not giving up on you that easily, I'll convince you eventually, you have my word,” and as if to seal his promise, Shoto gently kissed Izuku on the cheek before exiting the toilets. 

Stunned, Izuku stared at himself in the mirror, face burning where Shoto's lips had brushed him. He stroked at his cheek marveling at the sensation that still remained even though many moments had passed. A loud bang broke his train of thought as the door behind him flew open, making Izuku spin rapidly around. A huge part of Izuku wanted it to be Shoto coming back to whisk him off his feet, tell him everything would be alright but it wasn't. Izuku's blood ran cold as a blonde haired demon entered the room looking murderous.

Bakugou locked eyes with Izuku like a predator stares down its prey. Storming directly over to Izuku, he fisted his hand in Izuku's hair and yanked at it hard so their faces were millimetres apart. In contrast to his actions Kaachan's voice sounded calm and in control when he spoke, “I thought I told you to stay away from that half and half bastard.” Kaachan glared at Izuku for a heart beat, taking in his glistening face and pale complexion before slamming Izuku into the mirror head first sending out a spider web of fractures in the glass radiating from Izuku's head. Kaachan let go almost immediately stepping away and Izuku slumped to the floor dazed by the impact. 

Bakugou began pacing immediately, muttering to himself, Izuku watching from the floor with a throbbing head occasionally catching snippets of what he was saying.   
“... But he's a shitty Deku nerd, it's wrong…”  
“... I'm such an ass hole…”  
“...There's no way I could be…”  
“... Why am I like this?...”

Izuku sat there with bated breath, waiting for Kaachan's anger to turn back to him. He couldn't really comprehend the words Kaachan was saying, and became more tense the longer the muttering went on for. 

Weakly, Izuku decided to break the tension and whispered questioningly “Kaachan…?”

Kaachan's head snapped round and he stared at Izuku as if he'd forgotten he was there before hurrying over to him and pulling him up by the scruff of his shirt making Izuku yell. Izuku's hands flew to Kaachan's wrists to try and stop the inevitable beating but once he was on his feet nothing happened, Kaachan just x-rayed Izuku with his gaze. 

Slowly and deliberately Kaachan moved his hands to one of Izuku's wrists and then yanked up the sleeve, before Izuku could realise what he was doing he pulled up the other and saw the week old healing cut on his wrist. Kaachan just frowned and shook his head looking at Deku. “There's more right?” Izuku was speechless, frozen in shock as Kaachan's hands went to his belt buckle. Izuku protested and tried to push Kaachan's hands away but the other boy easily overpowered Deku and shoved his trousers down to his knees, revealing two large criss cross patches of cuts on his thighs. Izuku pulled away and hurriedly pulled his trousers back up, ‘What is Kaachan doing? He's never paid attention or cared about me hurting myself before. Why now??’ 

Kaachan let out a groan, throwing his head back as he ran a hand through his hair before hitting himself in the forehead. Izuku just stood there trembling, watching as Kaachan showed some very out of character behaviour. 

“Deku…” Kaachan growled and walked into his personal space, forcing Izuku to back against the sink behind him. Kaachan moved so close their bodies were pressed together completely. Izuku's heart stopped as Kaachan wrapped his arms around him, one hand sliding down, resting on Izuku's lower back and the other sliding up and threading gently into Izuku's hair pulling lightly making Izuku's face tilt up to his. Before Izuku could utter a word Kaachan had closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against Izuku's. 

It was like no other kiss Izuku had ever known, he felt as if his body was on fire at every point where his made contact with Kaachan's. Kaachan's tongue broke into Izuku's mouth and explored greedily as he held Izuku even tighter, however Izuku couldn't relax, he felt like any moment Kaachan could explode. But then all too soon it came to an end. Kaachan stiffened suddenly and broke away with his back to Izuku, leaving Izuku dizzy, breathless and cold. 

“Deku…” he spoke with a husky voice, “that half and half bastard, do you like him?” Izuku couldn't think of a response, his brain having suffered to much in the last hour. Kaachan turned and looked at Izuku, analysing him. 

“You do like him. Don't you?” Izuku just looked at the floor, shifting his feet.

“And he treats you well? Or at least… better than I do?” Izuku frowned at the floor, not able to understand what had been said at first. Slowly he looked up and frowned at Kaachan, confused.

Kaachan huffed, “Just don't push him away on my account, I was wrong to say you couldn't see him. If you want to, then do it.” without giving Izuku a moment respond Kaachan span around and stormed from the toilets, leaving a stunned Izuku behind. 

Suddenly feeling weak all over Izuku's knees gave out from under him and he fell to the floor. The roller-coaster of emotions he had gone through in the last hour had drained him completely, he couldn't process what Kaachan had said and why he'd had such a sudden change of heart. ‘It's got to be a trap, or a test… There's no way he'd let me actually see Shoto…’

Izuku sat on the cold hard floor for a long time, trying to understand what had happened to him but couldn't. In the end he resigned himself to the fact he would never know, and pulling himself up on the sink made his slow exhausting journey home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Depression and regret, derogatory terms, and homophobia
> 
> Notes  
> So I'm releasing this chapter now because the 2nd half is taking me a lot longer to write than I thought it would and is turning out to be far longer too. So enjoy this little insight into Bakuhoe, much more juciy stuff to follow next chapter ;)

The door swung shut with a loud thud behind Katsuki as he stormed his way out of the toilets. He practically ran from the university to his car, trying not to analyse the situation he had just come out of. ‘I hurt him again, why the fuck did I have to hurt him again?!’ he fumed inside his head as he ran a hand through his hair, slowing down to a walk as his car came into view. But then his brain began the age old battle he was always fighting. ‘But he's a fucking gay boy, he deserves it!’ shouted one part of his mind, the other part, which had been getting steadily louder recently, responding with ‘Yeah but so are you, you fucking idiot.’ 

This was the vicious circle Katsuki had found himself in ever since he was young. He would see Izuku and then feel things for him, this would make Katsuki feel angry and disgusted by himself for being gay. Unable to control his emotions and anger, this would get directed at Izuku. Once that was over, he would feel guilty about hurting Izuku, and wish he could just tell Izuku how he felt and finally come out of the closest… which would lead to him feeling angry and disgusted by himself for being gay. And so on and so forth. 

Grumbling the entire way, Katsuki climbed into his car not focusing on what he was doing, unconsciously buckling his seat belt before leaning back on the head rest and shutting his eyes. He let out a long breath before groaning loudly “fuuuuuuuuuck!” emphasising it with a punch to the steering wheel which just left his knuckles sore but didn't change his mood in the slightest.

Switching the ignition on he pulled away from the car park. Music started automatically, picking up where he left off, on something loud and screaming but he couldn't concentrate on the song. Instead he just focused intensely on driving home, letting the focus push everything else out of his mind even if it was only temporary.

Katsuki didn't live that far from the university, only a short 5-10 minute drive or 15 minutes at peak rush hour so he soon found himself pulling up outside his large family home in no time. Moving on autopilot he unbuckled and got out of the car. His body felt heavy and sluggish as he stepped through the front door. All he wanted to do was go to bed but a shrill voice called to him from the kitchen before the lock of the front door could even click shut.

“Katsuki get your ass in here!” he rolled his eyes and slouched with his hands in his pockets as he entered the kitchen. It was a very grand room. All white marble and dark mahogany with brass handles and knobs. In the centre stood a large freestanding workstation at which Katsuki's mother had piled high what appeared to be every pot, pan, bowl or plate they owned. She was clearly trying to bake something, as flour was plastered to the front of her apron and all over the surrounding countertops. 

“What do you fucking want you old hag?” he said conversationally as he took In the havoc that was their kitchen.

“Flour!” she yelled “More fucking flour!” she gestured wildly to some high cupboards behind her without looking up at her son who just rolled his eyes again and moved over to the cupboards. In the last 3 years Katsuki had shot up, now towering well over a foot above his mother who loved to take advantage of this fact. He pulled down a bag of flour from the top shelf and slammed it on the counter next to her before he turned his back and began to walk out of the room.

“Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you or are you just going sulk like a child instead?” his mother spoke as he walked away. Katsuki's back stiffend but he didn't turn to look at her, feeling her gaze boring into the back of his head. 

“Nothing's wrong you old hag,” he replied and continued out of the kitchen. 

“I'm here if you want to talk about it you idiot!” she shouted as he walked out of sight.

“Whatever…” Katsuki huffed as he climbed the stairs. 

Entering his room he turned and locked the door before leaning against it heavily with a sigh. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the memories now as he slid to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them in close to his chest, trying to not completely fall part. Every part of his life that contained Deku seemed dead set on replaying right behind his closed eyelids as he sat trembling on the floor. 

The replay started with when they were very young. They had met for the first time on the first day of school where they had been placed next to each other. Katsuki remembered how he had been immediately drawn to the other boy, even from that early age. He hadn't known what he felt for Izuku at the time, but knew he wanted to spend all of his time with the other boy. He would invite Izuku over for sleepovers at the weekends, and play in the park with him after school. They had been the closest of friends for their entire childhood.

Katsuki could vividly remember sitting with a group of the boys from his school one day when Deku had been off school sick, they were a little older by this point. All the other boys were talking about the girls they liked and who they would marry one day. When it got to his turn however, Katsuki had proudly said “I'm going to marry Deku!” but all the other boys had laughed. At first they thought Katsuki was joking but when he had looked confused the other boys had started explaining to him that it was wrong and disgusting for boys to marry other boys, and that it could never happened. 

Shortly after that Katsuki had found out he and his family would be moving away at the end of the school year. Distraught, he had begun lashing out at everyone around him including Deku. When a boy in his school had come out as gay a few weeks later Katsuki made it his mission to make this boy’s life a living hell. The worst part about it was that now he was an adult he couldn't even remember this kids name which made him feel even worse. He had taken it out on him purely as a distraction from his own feelings about Deku, while pushing them deeper and deeper down inside himself, slowly convincing himself that what he felt was unnatural, disgusting and vile. He thought that once he'd moved away he'd forget about Deku and grow out of the feelings he'd had for him, convinced it was just a school boy crush.

But he'd been wrong. The last day he had seen Deku ensured that. Izuku had taken it upon himself to kiss Katsuki, which did two things to Katsuki. It made him realise that he was in fact gay and nothing could change that, and also that Izuku had liked him this entire time without him noticing. When Katsuki had found himself alone after Izuku had left that evening and before his parents had returned home he screamed and cried, punched the walls and kicked at his bedroom door. One side of his mind felt like he wanted to rip his skin off for finally acknowledging he was gay and that he couldn't change it while the other side, already well aware of this fact, was extremely angry at himself for not realising Deku had liked him. This anger resulted in a destroyed bedroom and being grounded for a month. 

And then they moved away. Away from Deku, away from him childhood and away from his feelings. He used this opportunity to bury his sexuality and pretend to be straight. In the years leading up to him starting at Tokyo University he dated many girls, none of the relationships lasting long. He essentially used them to prove to his peers and himself that he was ‘normal’. He was smart, popular, rich and powerful. Girls flocked at his feet, boys wished to be him. But he was still miserable. Something had been missing from his life ever since he'd left his hometown. He would occasionally chat to Deku online, answering less and less as he grew up, trying to put more distance between the two of them, knowing deep down how he still felt but ignoring it.

When he had heard that Deku had won a scholarship to the same University as him he panicked, blocking Deku from every form of online contact and hoped it was a lie while secretly hoping it wasn't. 

The start of university rolled around far to quickly and before he knew it Katsuki found himself looking everywhere for Deku. He had told his group of rich and influential friends who had come to Tokyo University with him all about “that shitty nerd Deku” and they had taken an immediate dislike to the boy. Even though this had been what Katsuki was aiming for, it still hurt him to hear his ‘friends’ talk about his childhood best friend the way they had.

It took a week for Deku to locate him but when he did Katsuki wasn't ready. He could remember looking into Deku's eyes, seeing the hope filling them at finally seeing his childhood best friend again. But it unlocked the door in Katsuki's mind, splitting it in two as it did. In those brief few moments there was a war inside his head, one side fighting for him to stand up, wisk Deku off his feet and runoff into the sunset together and the other screaming at him to destroy him in front of everyone. Unfortunately the dark side one, and Katsuki had shouted Izuku down making him run off. 

This had left Katsuki feeling hollow and alone, even more so than before. All his friends had laughed it off and said he'd done the right thing by rejecting ‘that little fag boy’. They'd all seen how Izuku had looked at Katsuki and jumped to the conclusion immediately that he was clearly in love with Katsuki. 

Katsuki sat shivering on his floor, tears silently running down his face, hands clenched in his hair as he tried to stop the memories from replaying but it was impossible. The guilt he was feeling was overwhelming but he knew it was nothing compared to what he had put Deku through in the last two years. Unlocking his limbs he clambered to his feet and stumbled to his bed, diving in under the covers fully clothed and curling into a ball as the memories continued. 

There had been months of abuse following their initial meeting, starting slowly at first. Katsuki had asked to see Izuku privately, and with Izuku being naive and in love he agreed. He had originally intended to apologise for his behaviour when they had first seen each other at the start of school but the moment he saw Izuku step into the quiet classroom looking nervous and scared it was like a switch went off inside him. 

He was so overwhelmed by his attraction to the other boy that his mind instantly replaced it with anger due to his years of repressing how he felt, which he then took out on Deku. Within weeks he had begun using Deku. It started with only his mouth but quickly transitioned into more with Katsuki justifying it in the moment by thinking ‘it's not gay if I'm the one giving’ but he would always regret it afterwards, he'd regret hurting Deku, he'd regret acting on his homosexuality. All this regret would boil down into undiluted anger which he would then refocus on Deku. Again and again this went on until one day, about 4 months after everything had started. Katsuki had a particularly bad day and took it out on Izuku, raping him and then leaving him black, blue and bloody. He had left Izuku on the floor of the locker room and he had said “You're fucking pathetic Deku, why don't you take a swan dive off the roof of the building already? No one would miss you.”

This had been one of the worst mistakes of Katsuki's life, and he regretted every time he looked at Izuku, knowing what he had nearly pushed the boy to do. 

It had been later that night after the assault that Katsuki had woken up to a call from Deku. “What the fuck do you want you fucking nerd, it's nearly 3am!” he had nearly shouted down the phone. But when he had stopped to take a breath to shout more he had noticed the background noise and came up short before Izuku had spoken, confused.

Katsuki curled into an even tighter ball at this thought, scrunching his eyes up tighter, nearly ripping chunks of his hair out as he tried and failed to force the memories away. No matter what he did, he couldn't stop the flood of memories as he began to relive one of the most terrifying nights of his life.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings  
> Attempted suicide, self harm, alcohol abuse 
> 
> Notes  
> I hope you enjoy(?) this look into Katsuki & Izuku's past. This is a hard hitting chapter, if any of the themes listed in the above warnings are triggers for you please be cautious when reading this chapter. If you ever need some to talk to, please feel free to message me.
> 
> The song mentioned in this chapter is Bullet by Hollywood Undead.

**_Flashback to over a year ago, four months after the boys had started at Tokyo U._ **

Katsuki was fast asleep when his phone went off, loud ringing filling the room causing him to stir. Grabbing the phone and looking at caller ID he saw it was that shitty nerd Deku, and that it was just before 3am.

 

“What the fuck do you want you fucking nerd, it's nearly 3am!” he had nearly shouted down the phone. But when he had stopped to take a breath to shout more he had noticed the background noise and come up short. He could hear wind buffeting the speaker from Deku's side of call and Katsuki frowned. “Kaaaaaachaaaaan!” Deku had spoken and then giggled. He actually giggled, Bakugou didn't know what to say to this. “Kaaaachaaan,” he said in a sing song voice and then it clicked in Katsuki's brain as to what was going on. He slumped back into is bed as he spoke.

 

“You're drunk, aren't you Deku?” he said, with a slight hint of amusement in his voice, Deku just giggled in response. “I've never seen you drunk before,” Katsuki mused aloud and rolled his eyes.

 

“Why are you drunk calling me? And where are you anyway? it sounds super windy,” Katsuki asked, curious. But Deku didn't answer, instead he acted as if he didn't hear the question.

 

“Kaachan, you know how today… at the university, you hurt me loads right?” Izuku spoke in a cheery voice, but Katsuki stiffened where he sat, slowly moving back up into a sitting position. Deku continued without waiting for a reply.

 

“And you know how you told me to take a Swan dive off the ru-roof? Hehe” Deku's voice was full of cheer and he hiccuped over the last word, but Bakugou felt sick to his stomach, realisation slowly coming to him. He sat and swung his legs off the bed and tried to ask again. “Deku where are you?” But again he didn't answer. He heard the clink of a bottle against stone and then heard Izuku take a long gulp of something.

 

“Essh yuck! Hehe,” Deku giggled when he finished his mouth full. “I don't even know whatthisis…” Izuku slurred the end of his sentence and Bakugou heard the glass bottle clink again as it was placed back down. “But it was freeeeeeeee!” Izuku started to ramble about how he'd been given the bottle of whatever it was in a bar, but then told himself to be quiet because he couldn't talk about the bar as Kaachan didn't know about it. The entire time Izuku was rambling Katsuki sat stiff on the side of his bed, racking his brain and trying to figure out where Izuku might be.

 

If his guess was correct he was at the top of a tall building, very drunk and willing to jump. Bakugou felt awful, this was entirely his fault. Izuku would never have put himself in this position if he hadn't been so cruel to him. He had to do something, he had to stop Izuku from doing something stupid.

 

“Kaachan…” mid ramble Izuku's voice changed, sounding suddenly mournful and drew Bakugou's full attention. “Kaachan… Do you kn-know that song?” Izuku hiccuped mid sentence. “It goes something like ‘my legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, I think I slit my wrists again and I'm gone gone gone gone’” Izuku sang the words and Bakugou's heart fell into the pit of his stomach, a cold sweat breaking out over his entire body as he nodded unconsciously, “I t-think I know the one…” his voice cracked as he replied, his throat completely dry. Izuku giggled “Good.”

 

Bakugou could hear some movement before Izuku spoke again, “because my le-legs are da-dangling off the edge, and my bo-bottle is empty now too! Haha,” Izuku laughed and kept hiccuping. Bakugou waited, but Izuku didn't say anything else. “And what about the 3rd thing?” he spoke gently, as if not to scare Izuku off.

 

“What? Slitting my wrists? Hahaha of course, what do you take me for?? Hahaha,” Bakugou listened as Izuku laughed so hard he could barely breath to speak. “My shirt.. Hahah… My Shirt is nearly… Ahaha… It’s nearly all red! Ahahaha.”

 

Bakugou's fists were clenched so tight he was drawing blood on his palms but he hadn't noticed. He still had no idea where Izuku might be. All he wanted to do was dive in his car and get to wherever Izuku was and pull him away from the edge. He couldn't let the boy he loved die because of his own actions. ‘Wait, love?!’ he thought ‘Argh now's not the fucking time brain!’ he screamed internally.

 

“Kaachan, it's so pretty up here tonight…” Izuku sighed. That was the opening Bakugou needed, with as much calm and faked nonchalance as he could muster he said “Why don't you switch on video chat and show me?” Bakugou waited for a heart beat of a second, frozen and hoping for an answer.

 

“Hehe that's such a good idea Ka-kaachan!” Katsuki heard rustling as Izuku moved the phone. Katsuki pulled his phone away from his head too, staring at the screen as it switched to the camera view and loud speaker. At first it showed Izuku, staring intently at his phone, trying to work out how to switch the camera. To his horror, even in this low light, Katsuki could see how pale Izuku was, and there was a small smear of blood across one of his cheeks. But the view didn't last long as the camera suddenly switched and Bakugou got a clear view of the university grounds, dimly illuminated by the street lights around the campus. “See!” Izuku giggled again, but Katsuki had already bolted from his bedroom and down the stairs, grabbing his keys as he went.

 

He could hear Izuku speaking, pointing out things around the grounds and generally rambling to himself. Bakugou could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he jumped in his car and the phone automatically switched to the car’s Bluetooth.

 

“Watch this Kaachan!” Bakugou heard Izuku's voice through the car speakers and could see the video chat where his phone sat in its holder on the dashboard. He knew he was driving too fast but he didn't care, the drive should take him nearly 10 minutes but he was trying to do in it much less. His attention was half on the road and half on what Izuku was doing. He watched as the other boy lent the phone against something and then with some difficulties got to his feet.

 

Katsuki wanted to scream at Izuku to not jump, not to do anything stupid, that he would be there soon and everything would be alright. But Izuku simply walked along the edge of the wall and back, like he was a tightrope walker. Katsuki's heart was hammering so hard in his chest as he watched this. From this angle he could see the red staining both the other boys arms, the wetness glinting in the moonlight.

 

Katsuki hurtled into the university's car park in record time, and grabbed his phone before pelting out of the car, abandoning it right in the middle and ran in the direction of the building he knew Izuku to be on. Thankfully he was coming at the building from the opposite side Izuku was on so he wouldn't see him approaching.

 

As he ran, he kept glancing down at his phone, to see where Izuku was. The other boy had picked up the phone now and changed the camera back to rear facing. Katsuki could see Izuku's feet, standing on the edge of the low wall that runs round the top of the university, and beyond his feet was the sheer drop, ending in concrete pathway.

 

“Kaachan, I'm going to do it now…” Izuku's voice sounded hollow and Katsuki increased his speed, now running through the university corridors towards the stairs to the roof. Bakugou finally broke his silence and he shouted “Don't you fucking dare jump Deku, I swear to god!”

 

But it was like Izuku couldn't hear him anymore. He spoke again in that same empty voice “Kaachan, I've always loved you… Since the moment we first met, all those years ago, and through all of the pain you've put me through… I still love you…” Katsuki was now halfway up the stairs to roof, panting heavily as he bounded up two stairs at a time.

 

“But don't worry Kaachan, like you said… No one will miss me at all. You won't have to put up with me any more.” Kaachan was running faster than he ever thought possible, nearly closing in on the top floor of the building.

 

Izuku let out the smallest of sobs as he sang ever so quietly “I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky, Like a bird so high, Oh I might just try…” Katsuki watched on his phone as Izuku raised one foot and held it over the edge, just as the door to the rooftop came into view, it was wedged wide open and he could see Izuku standing on the wall silhouetted by the moon.

 

“Oh I might just try…” Izuku spoke in barely a whisper as Katsuki sprinted across the roof, arms outstretched just as Izuku lent forwards.

 

Katsuki's fingers grasped the back of Izuku's shirt just before Izuku could jump and pulled him backwards so roughly that he fell directly on top of Katsuki, the both of them crashing to the floor in a heap of tangled limbs.

 

“Izuku!” Katsuki half screamed and half sobbed, tears had begun pouring down his face at some point in his run to the roof and they hadn't stopped. He wrapped his arms so tightly around Izuku that the other boy yelped. “You fucking idiot, what were you fucking thinking? Don't you ever do something like that again or I'll kill you myself!” Katsuki shouted at Izuku as he held him tightly. Izuku was just trembling in his arms, unable to speak.

 

Eventually Katsuki released his hold on Izuku and let the other boy roll off of him. Gingerly Bakugou got to his feet, eyes fixed on Izuku the entire time. “Say something nerd, you're freaking me out…” Katsuki said as gently as he could. Izuku moved to his hands and knees, unsteady he wobbled as he did, staring at the ground he said quietly “I'm so sorry Kaachan.”

 

The words made Katsuki's insides turn to ice. Izuku was apologising to him when it should have been the other way around. Anger rose up inside of Katsuki, but it was directed Inwards at himself. He had destroyed this boy in front of him. In four months he had driven him to near suicide, all because he couldn't accept himself for who he was. The boy he loved was a mess and it was entirely his fault. But a huge part Katsuki was still screaming that it was wrong and disgusting, that Izuku should be punished for being the way he was. He wanted to rip his own hair out and screaming at the top of his lungs as the war raged inside him

 

But before Katsuki could respond however, Izuku promptly vomited all over the ground in front of himself and then collapsed sideways, narrowly missing the puddle of vomit. Katsuki just blinked, shocked out of his reverie by this sudden change in events. Sighing he walked over to Izuku and hauled to boy to his feet, eliciting a groan of annoyance from the other. Shuffling around he crouched down and maneuvered Izuku onto his back, piggy back style.

 

“Urgh, when did you get so big and heavy…” Katsuki huffed as he slowly made his way off of the roof and down the stairs, his mind temporarily quieting. The journey back to the car was far slower than the arrival. Izuku stirred half way back, and sighed into the side of Katsuki's neck sending shivers down his spine. Izuku proceeded to the groan slightly and then moaned “Mmm Kaachan, you smell so good…” he emphasised this by nuzzling his face directly into Katsuki's neck, breathing deeply and sending sparks directly to Katsuki's crotch.

 

Katsuki didn't say anything to this, as he was now not only concentrating heavily on carrying Izuku, but he was trying extremely hard to control the unwelcome reaction that had occurred in his pants at Izuku's actions. Izuku didn't stop nuzzling Katsuki's neck until they reached the car and Katsuki gently lowered Izuku to the floor.

 

Izuku held himself up against the car as Katsuki opened it up and then directed him into the passenger seat. Leaning across Izuku, Katsuki grabbed the seat belt and buckled him in, but just before he could lean back out of the car Izuku quickly kissed Katsuki on the cheek. This made Katsuki jump so hard he tried to straighten up and proceeded to violently headbutt the roof of the car, making Izuku giggle when he let out a string of curse words.

 

Eventually Bakugou settled into the driver's seat and turned the ignition on. He looked over at Izuku to find him curled into a ball in the passenger seat, knees drawn up to his chin, shoes on the edge of his seat, staring back at him with half lidded eyes. Katsuki tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace but Izuku smiled back anyway.

 

“Thank you for coming…” Izuku whispered, “And sorry if I ruined your night…” Katsuki rolled his eyes more out of habit than anything and turned his attention to the road, relief slowly flowing through him, the tension in his limbs easing slightly. “Let's get you back to my place, we need to clean you up.” Izuku just nodded and turned to the passenger side window, staring out of it with a blank expression on his face. Katsuki stuck to the speed limits on the way home, but every few seconds he would glance at Izuku, checking if he was still there, still alive, still breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 1 of 2, there will be more to this flash back soon. However London comic con is next weekend, so I may not get to update for well over a week. Please bare with me ❤️


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to the story mid flashback, Katsuki is reliving one of his worst days. And do not worry, I will explain how they got from this back to where they are present day! But for now, please enjoy some soft Bakuhoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still here?
> 
> I'm so so sorry this has taken so long. I've had a terrible couple of months, I dislocated my knee, I've been in a car crash, I've been super un well and had to go to the doctors loads. It's been shit. But I haven't forgotten you all! I am final back with a new chapter, I hope you enjoy and I'll try to update again soon!

The night had stilled in the time it took Katsuki to drive them back to his house. Pulling onto his street nothing moved, there was no breeze to move the leaves on the trees, no people to break the deep silence that had descended onto the road. It was like the world was waiting with bated breath to see if Izuku was okay. Quietly Katsuki rolled the car onto the drive and cut the engine startling Izuku out of his reverie. Looking around Izuku smiled at Katsuki, a lopsided silly thing that made Katsuki's heart skip a beat, but it also told him that Izuku was still well and truly plastered. 

With a roll of his eyes he unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of the car, hurrying around to the passenger side to help Izuku, who was still struggling with the buckle. Half carrying and half supporting, Katsuki lead Izuku to the front door of his house. When they were a few feet away Izuku stopped and looked around confused. 

“This isn't my house.” It wasn't a question but Katsuki replied anyway. 

“We're at mine, I didn't want to leave you alone…” he trailed off but Izuku just shrugged and started walking again, unaware of the tension in Katsuki's limbs. Fumbling with the lock, he finally let them into the house and walked Izuku over to a small seat in the entrance way. Katsuki quickly ran back outside and locked the car up before heading back inside and locking the front door. 

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets he watched Izuku, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows as he did. The other boy was slumped against the wall that the seat was nestled in and his eyes were closed. He was breathing slowly and appeared to be asleep. 

Taking quiet steps Katsuki walked over and knelt in front of Izuku, gently placing his hands on the other boys knees who started awake at the sudden contact. 

“Come on,” Kaachan whispered gently, “Let's get you upstairs and cleaned up," Izuku frowned "What aboutyourparents?" Izuku slurred into one. Katsuki replied gently "they are out of town for awhile". Izuku shrugged and nodded, climbing unsteadily to his feet while using the wall for support. They walked slowly up the stairs, Izuku leading with Katsuki right behind him, ready to catch him incase he tripped and fell. 

After what seemed like an age, the two boys made it to Katsuki's bedroom and Izuku turned and grinned that lopsided smile when they entered. 

“I'm in Kaachan's bedroom!” he said with a giggle, looking around and taking in the neat and tidy space before his eyes fell back on Katsuki. "The last time I was here…." Izuku trailed off but Katsuki's heart sank at the memory but Izuku changed the topic quickly. "What are you going to doooo to me this time Kaachan?” he mocked, drawing out the word ‘do’ and emphasising the sentence by biting his lip at the end. Katsuki could feel his heartbeat quicken, if it hadn't been for the state that Izuku was in he would have likely ravaged the smaller boy. Katsuki knew his resolve and will power could only do so much. He didn't want to touch Izuku while he was in this dark place, but he also knew that Izuku brought out animalistic desires in him he couldn't control, not to mention he was sleep deprived and exhausted. 

With every ounce of willpower he possessed he rolled his eyes and grabbed Izuku by the shoulders then spinning him round, frog marched him to the en suite bathroom. “I'm going to clean you up and then put you to bed.” Izuku protested slightly but followed Katsuki's instructions. 

When they were in the bathroom Katsuki turned the shower on and tested the water before stepping back and glaring at Izuku. “You're gonna shower, then I'm going to sort that mess you call your arms out and then we sleep, fucking got it?” Katsuki said in a growl, injecting every bit of dominance and power he could into his words making Izuku visibly flinch away from him before he nodded. “Fucking, good.” 

Katsuki huffed and turned his back on Izuku, letting him undress privately. After a few moments he heard Izuku stepping into the shower but before he could turn around a hand grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked, hard and without warning. Katsuki stumbled backwards, spinning around as he did and found himself standing in the shower pressed up Izuku's naked body, both of them under the cascading jets of water. 

Izuku's face was tilted upwards to Katsuki's, lips slightly parted with an unasked question, cheeks flushed pink from either the heat of the shower or the alcohol, or both. Katsuki didn't move, frozen in place from the sudden shock of finding himself soaking wet and pressed up against Izuku. Izuku slowly closed the gap between their lips, giving Katsuki plenty of time to pull away. But he didn't. 

In moments their lips were pressed firmly together, Izuku quickly losing control to Katsuki as he regained his senses, sliding his hands down the smaller boys sides, wrapping them around him, pulling him closer. Izuku moved his hands up to the sides of Katsuki's face and then around the back of his neck, threading his fingers into the soaking wet golden locks. 

They kissed for a long while, exploring each others mouths and getting lost in the tangle of limbs. Katsuki broke the silence first and pulled away, all but growling at Izuku. “Deku…” he said darkly, “Stop trying to distract me…” his eyes were heavy with desire and lust, but even so he managed to pull away from him. Giving a look of disapproval as he did. Izuku pouted and let out a small whine as Katsuki stepped away but stopped when he saw the blonde peeling off his wet clothes before stepping back into to shower and sliding the door shut. 

Katsuki stepped close to Izuku, leaning passed him their faces only inches apart, Katsuki smirked. This close he could see Izuku's lips trembling with desire or fear, he didn't know. Katsuki chuckled and grabbed the bottle of shampoo from behind Izuku and leant back. Izuku's face flushed an even brighter red but Katsuki just ignored it as he squirted out some shampoo and then put his hands up to izuku's hair and began scrunching it into the messy green locks. 

As Katsuki worked, he studied Izuku's face. The other boy had his eyes shut and was enjoying the sensation of Katsuki's hands rubbing his scalp, he was all but purring. Part of Katsuki's brain was shouting that this was disgusting and vile but the majority was too tired to care so instead was enjoying being this close to Deku and not having to hide anything, actually getting the chance to be himself instead of the arrogant sonofabitch that he normal threw up around everyone. Once he was finished with his hair, Katsuki helped gently rinse Izuku's body from head to toe, being careful of his arms which appeared to have finally stopped bleeding. 

Katsuki shut the water off and Izuku finally opened his eyes, looking up at Katsuki with a blissful expression on his face and a toothy grin. Katsuki just rolled his eyes and slid the shower door open. Leaning out he grabbed a large fluffy towel and turned to Deku, wrapping it around the smaller boy before grabbing his own. 

They both stepped out of the shower and Katsuki directed Izuku to sit on the closed toilet lid as he looked for supplies in his medicine cabinet. Kneeling down in front of Izuku, Katsuki spoke gently "Give me your arms." Izuku's eyes went wide for a moment before flicking away in shame and stretching both of his arms forwards. 

Katsuki sucked in a breath at the sight of Izuku's patchwork of cuts. None were particularly deep but there was an awful lot of them; intersecting this way and that. It was almost as if he had scribbled on his arms with a knife. Slowly and gently Katsuki cleaned and dressed his arms with bandages, securing them firmly when he was finished. Once he was done, he hesitantly took Izuku's hands which made the other boy look up, surprised. 

The look on Izuku's face was beautiful, wide sparkling eyes and a small confused smile, it all but tore down the rest of Katsuki's defences. Without a word Katsuki closed the distance between them and pressed his lips firmly against Izuku's making the other boy squeak with surprise before he melted into to kiss. They stayed there for a long while, locked in their slow passionate kiss, before Katsuki eventually drew away and stood, pulling Izuku to his feet also. 

Crossing his arms and glaring slightly Katsuki turned on his dominant face and said "Bed. Now." Izuku pouted, walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, with Katsuki behind him. Izuku flopped onto the edge of the bed, a mischievous look spreading across his face, Katsuki raised an eyebrow, arms still crossed and said "what?" in a flat voice. Izuku just grinned and shook his head.

Katsuki rolled his eyes and turned his back on Izuku, digging through his draws to find them both some clothes to wear to bed. After a few minutes of searching he had two sets of pyjamas, and turned back to face Izuku. And froze with his eyes wide. He dropped the clothes to the floor without even realising. 

In front of him on the bed was Izuku, towel thrown carelessly aside. He had propped himself up against all the pillows on the bed and had both his arms hooked under his knees spreading his legs wide. Katsuki could see everything. Izuku stood to full attention, glistening slightly with precum. His cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes heavy lidded with lust. Katsuki couldn't move his body, and was unable to speak, but his manhood betrayed him almost immediately, jumping to life to match Izuku's. 

"I said… What are you going to do to me Kaachan?" Izuku spoke softly, his voice laced with desire. Before he could think, before his brain could tell him this was a terrible idea, before he could stop himself, his body reacted and he was upon Izuku. Crawling up between his legs and embracing him tightly, smashing their lips together in a fierce kiss. Fumbling in his bedside draw he found a bottle of lube and coated his fingers in it before slipping them inside Izuku. Curling and scissoring them deep inside the other boy, which brought out delicious sounds from Izuku. 

Katsuki couldn't wait any longer, he removed his fingers from Izuku, earning a whimpering protest from the smaller boy before he lined himself up and slammed deep inside Izuku. Izuku let out a moan with every thrust, not holding back his voice. 

Katsuki moved one of his hands up to the back of Izuku's head and pulled his head back, exposing the soft skin of the green haired boys neck which he proceeded to devour, causing Izuku to wrap his legs tightly around Katsuki's waist and begin scratching at his back.

They rocked back and forth with each other for what felt like an eternity before they both climaxed together, collapsing in on each other as they did, panting heavily. Within moments Izuku had passed out and Katsuki had to extract himself from the boy without help. 

As he did the guilt began to wash through him. He had taken advantage of Izuku when he was at his weakest and most vulnerable and that was unforgivable, even more unforgivable than everything else he had put the boy through. In one day he had nearly pushed the boy to suicide, and taken advantage of the fragile state he had been in after. 

Standing, Katsuki began to pace, his mind racing. He could not let this happen again. He had to promise that he would not touch Izuku ever again. And he had to promise to always keep him safe. But how could he do that? Then an idea struck him. Walking into the bathroom, Katsuki pulls out Izuku's phone from the pile of clothes. Swiping up, his heart skipped a beat as he realised there was no pass code on the device. "Idiot Deku…" hehe mumbled. Katsuki grinned, and began setting up an undetectable parental tracker on the phone. 

Once he was finished, he grinned to himself at the genius of the idea before something caught his eye on the floor and his heart sank. The pile of clothes on the floor was completely stained with blood, and Izuku's shirt was ruined. Frowning, Katsuki scooped up the pile and dropped it all in the bin in the corner of the bathroom before walking back into his room. 

He placed Izuku's phone on the bedside table and then crawled into the bed behind him, laying with his back to the other boy, knowing that know matter how tired he was, he wouldn't be able to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another chapter already?!
> 
> Taste that sweet karma Bakuhoe....

Katsuki had barely slept that night, he recalled that Izuku had woken with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed and panicking when he had seen Katsuki, but Katsuki had been too tired to do anything other than be nice. Izuku couldn't remember most of the previous night so he had gently explained what had happened, how he had got a call from Izuku, worked out where he was and stopped him from jumping. He then explained that he'd brought him home as he didn't want to leave Izuku on his own, and had cleaned him up and put him to bed. He left out the part where he'd fucked Izuku like a dog In heat, thinking that if the other boy didn't remember it would be for the better. Izuku had been mortified at this news, apologising profusely which just made Katsuki feel even guilitier. 

He gave Izuku some old clothes and had taken him home almost immediately after their conversation. It had been the most awkward drive ever, with neither boy offering up conversation. When they had pulled up at Izuku's house, he'd left the car without a word but Katsuki needed to tell Izuku something before he left so he quickly lowered the passenger window and shouted for Deku to come back. 

"Look, I'm going to leave you alone from now on got it? No more of…" Katsuki gestured between the two of them. "No more of whatever this is. You don't have to worry about me hurting you any more." but Izuku's response hadn't been at all what he'd expected. Izuku's eyes had immediately brimmed with tears and he began trying to protest but Katsuki cut him off. "It's for the best, I don't want to hurt you any more… and when I'm around I just… I lose control…" he trailed off with Izuku staring at him in shock. "But I need you to promise me that you will not try something like last night ever again. Not ever, you got it?" Izuku blinked in surprise and after a few moments he nodded. "You promise Deku?" Katsuki growled. Weakly Izuku responded "I promise…" that had been good enough for Katsuki, who nodded and then quickly put the car into gear and drove away. As he did, he could see Izuku in the rear view mirror, standing outside his house watching as he drove away. 

Katsuki's limbs felt stiff, he had no idea how long he'd been curled up in a ball in his bed, crying and remembering everything that had happened. He'd fallen asleep sometime around the recollection of the night of the suicide attempt, and when he woke his mind immediately tried to carry on the story from where he'd left off. About how he'd managed to stay away from Izuku for at least a month before Izuku had turned up at his house in a complete state. 

But his phone would not stop ringing and buzzing, the sound made him want the rip his ears off with annoyance. "What the fuck is this piece of crap doing…" he grumbled as he stretched out for his phone. Looking at the screen he saw it was nearly 10am on Friday morning. Groggily he rubbed his eyes, trying to focus on the bright screen, when his eyes eventually adjusted his heart sank. He had hundreds of notifications on his phone, missed calls and messages across every form of social media he had and more popping in every moment. He caught the start of a few messages as the sped by to make room for new ones. 

"What the Fuck is wrong with you…" 

"I always knew you were a faggot…"

"How could you hurt somebody like that?" 

"Gross! This is why you wouldn't date me!"

 

Katsuki sat bolt upright in bed and started filtering through all the messages on his phone. He couldn't understand what they were talking about at first until he eventually came across an email from a sender he didn't recognise, it was titled "It's time you got what you deserved."

 

Opening the email he saw a message. 

 

' _Hello Kaachan, I'm a friend of Izuku's. I've had my people watching you for a while now and I have to say, I dislike you and your treatment of my friend very much. I've attached a few (hundred) photographs I've collected over the last year of your treatment towards him._

_I do hope you enjoy them,_

_Kind regards,_

_T_

_P. S Oh and I forgot to mention, I've also sent them to all your friends, family and every person at your university and had many copies printed and posted around the school, Izuku is blurred out of course and your name was attached to every copy. Enjoy.'_

 

Katsuki felt sick. Cold washed through him as he opened up the first couple of photographs. He saw pictures of himself in his car with Izuku, in various locker rooms or classrooms, in their houses. All the pictures depicted acts of either extreme violence towards Izuku or rape. In many of the pictures he could see blood, bruises or welts on the other boy. How had these pictures been taken? He found himself thinking. Some, such as the ones in either of their homes had clearly been taken with a hidden camera.

 

Quickly flicking through the pictures with trembling fingers he found one of his room. It appeared to have come from above his bookshelf opposite his bed. Dragging his chair across he climbed up to look on top of the bookshelf and his heart stopped. Sitting on the edge of the top of the shelves nestled between two books, nearly invisible unless you were looking for it was a tiny camera stuck down to the edge. He ripped it off quickly and threw it on the floor, jumping off of the chair directly onto the camera, crushing under his heel. 

 

He felt violated and disgusting, someone had snuck into his house and set up this camera to watch him. How long had it been there? Were there more? He found himself spinning around in circles looking for possible hiding places when a loud knocking came at his door and he jumped. 

 

"Katsuki… You have some visitors," his mother's voice came from outside his door, he could hear the tension in her voice. He gulped, and gritted his teeth before walking to the door and yanking it open. His mother stared at him, she already knew. He could tell just by the look on her face. She was extremely angry and disappointed but whoever these visitors were meant she was holding herself back. 

 

"The head of the University and your personal tutor are here to speak with you. Down stairs now." Katsuki stared at his mother, trying to think of a way out of this situation but nothing came to mind, instead he crumpled in on himself and let his fear show on his face. His mother's expression changed from angry to sympathetic and she gave him a quick hug before directing him down stairs. 

 

In his living room sat director Nezu and Professor Midnight, Katsuki walked in and sat opposite the two on the edge of his seat his mother following close behind. 

 

"I'm going to cut straight to the point," Nezu spoke directly, "This morning at around 7am hundreds of explicit photographs were circulated amongst the students and Faculty of Tokyo University. These photographs show you, Katsuki Bakugou performing questionable acts upon an unknown boy or boys. Do you deny that it is you in these photographs?" 

 

Katsuki shook his head in response. 

 

"I thought as much. The boy or boys in question in these photographs have not come forward so we cannot go to the police and press charges against you for the acts in these photographs. However… " Nezu paused and looked at Katsuki. Even though his face was calm, it was clear in Nezu's eyes that he was furious. "However. Your actions cannot go unpunished. From this moment you are suspended  from Tokyo University until further notice. You are banned from entering the school grounds unless explicitly invited by either myself or another faculty member. Your education at the University will resume only at my discretion, and if I decide to not invite you back that is my decision. Do I make myself clear?" 

 

Katsuki was staring at the floor and nodded with an expressionless face, "Yes Sir," he spoke in a flat monotone voice. 

 

"Good." Nezu said in a business like voice and stood, Midnight following suit. "And here is everything we have discussed in writing," Nezu said as he slid a sealed envelope onto the coffee table. Katsuki didn't hear much after that. There was a loud ringing in his ears as he stared at the floor. His mother had seen to the two out and returned to the living room without him noticing. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, shaking with barely concealed rage. 

 

"How could you do something like this Katsuki?" she whispered but Katsuki flinched as if she had shouted. "I've always been on your side. I've always said that even though you're hot headed and angry that you're still a good person. But now…" she trailed off shaking her head. "I don't even know who you are any more."

 

Katsuki's head snapped up as anger flared up inside him, he jumped to his feet and shouted at his mother. "So what, you find out your only son is gay and you're disgusted by it?! I can't change who I am just like you can't change that you're an old hag!" 

 

His mother stared at him in shock for a moment before taking a step closer to her son and pointing her finger in his face as her rage also bubbled to the surface. "Katsuki I've known you were gay since before you could walk you fucking idiot! This has nothing to do with you being gay!" Katsuki blinked in surprise before she continued. "This is to do with you beating, attacking and if I'm not mistaken, raping an innocent boy! That poor boy! Everything you've put him through, how am I ever going to look Mrs Midoriya in the eyes again!" Katsuki stumbled backwards away from his mother. 

 

"How..?" he croaked out. 

 

"How did I know it was him? A mother's intuition and detective skills, though I wasn't 100% sure you have just confirmed it. I'm not stupid Katsuki, I know you and how you think. You've been in love with him since the day you met him. But I thought you were better than this." She shook her head and sighed. "I can't be around you right now, you disgust me." she said, and exited the room leaving Katsuki alone. 

 

After a long moment of staring at the empty doorway Katsuki convinced himself to drag his feet back to his room and lock the door. Hiding felt like the best option right now. He sat with his back against his bedroom door and started the long arduous task of replying to or deleting the hundreds of messages that had bombarded his phone.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken me so long, this chapter has been very difficult to write, and it still has another half to go so I'm splitting it Into two so I can give you something! I really hope you enjoy this first part of Deku x Shigaraki <3

After the bathroom incident Izuku had escaped from the University and gone straight back to the club. He couldn't face going home, he wanted to lose himself in men, alcohol and drugs. But most of all he wanted to forget about Kaachan and Todoroki.

 

His wish was swiftly answered late Thursday night when Tomura strode into the club and right into Izuku's booth, kicking his two other customers out. The man had barely said a word to Izuku as he summoned the boy to his side and exited the club again. 

 

Tomura had held the car door open for Izuku and shut it behind him before setting off towards the hotel. There was a strange atmosphere emanating from the man however and it made Izuku uneasy. Usually by the time Shigaraki would pick him up Izuku would have worked his way through half the bar and wouldn't be able to tell his left from his right but tonight had been unusual. His customers had been tipping large amounts and not buying him as much booze which had left him feeling tipsy instead of drunk. With his wits more about him than usual he noticed that they were driving to one of Tomura's regular hotels, which helped Izuku relax slightly as it meant he'd be able to return home more easily. 

 

When they arrived it was nearly 1am, and it was silent in the car park as they walked to the elevator. Izuku grew more tense as they walked, realising he was almost completely sober now. Stepping into the small space Izuku positioned himself as far away from Tomura as possible. The older man was standing in the middle with his back to Izuku, slightly hunched over and occasionally scratching at his neck as the elevator began to rise. As Izuku watched he saw Tomura's scratching intensify. When he drew his hand away Izuku could make out blood on his fingertips and sucked in a shocked breath which tore through the silence of the confined space. 

 

Tomura turned to look over his shoulder, his face a blank mask showing no emotion. Izuku shuffled his feet under the other man's gaze and looked down at the floor wishing he could melt into wall behind him. Saved by the bell, Tomura turned as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Izuku sighed with relief and hurried out after Tomura along the corridor.

 

To preoccupied with his thoughts Izuku didn't notice the other man stopping outside a door and walked straight into him with a panicked gasp, immediately beginning a hurried apology but Tomura raised his hand silencing the boy, who again lowered his gaze to the floor with embarrassment. Hearing a click followed by the sound of movement Izuku looked hesitantly back up and saw Tomura now holding the door open for him and quickly dashed inside. 

 

Izuku's skin was crawling with nerves and his eyes were darting around the room as he entered, not sure how to handle the situation when he was sobering up so quickly. "I can't get out of this now.." he thought bitterly to himself, turning to take in the other half of the room as he did. He froze at the sight of a tall dark haired stranger lounging about at the far end of the room. Izuku's eyebrows rose and his mouth gaped open before he could stop himself. The man Izuku was staring at was covered in dark red and purple scars, covering half of his face, chest and arms. The man watched Izuku with disinterest as he lit a cigarette. 

 

The door clicked shut behind him but Izuku couldn't take his eyes off the stranger. "What on earth did this man do to end up with scars like that? How is he alive? Is he dangerous? And why is he even here…?" Izuku's mind went into overdrive as he tried to work out who this man could be but as he stared Tomura walked up closely next to him and reached out his hand, gripping the back of Izuku's neck tightly which sent cold shivers down Izuku's spine. Leaning down to Izuku's ear Tomura whispered "Don't mind Dabi, he's just here to watch the show." 

 

Shocked Izuku looked at Tomura with wide terrified eyes and then glanced over at Dabi who nodded and lifted his hand in some form of a greeting. Izuku began to tremble as he felt Tomura let go and walk over to one of the arm chairs in the room. Izuku was just about to start panicking when Tomura spoke again as he lounged in his chair, "Just Ignore him Izuku, he means you no harm. Come." Tomura pointed to the floor in front of him, and Izuku with only the slightest hesitation stepped up in front of the man. 

 

Izuku stood with his arms wrapped around himself staring wide eyed and terrified at Tomura as the other man examined him. However Izuku couldn't shake the feeling of being watched and found himself stealing glances of Dabi ever few moments, as if hoping the man would have disappeared by now.

 

"We're going to be doing things a little differently tonight," Tomura spoke softly with a menacing tone to his voice. Izuku could feel himself trembling all over but knew there was no escape now. Silence stretched between them as Tomura stared at Izuku, as if daring him to speak but Izuku didn't give in, knowing that it was always best to just do as the other man said. Finally Tomura's eyes locked with Izuku's and he spoke a swift sharp word that made Izuku's blood run cold "Strip." 

 

Izuku felt himself break into a cold sweat. Whenever he had visited Tomura In the past the other man would give him the drugs and while Izuku was in what felt like another dimension, he would take advantage of him. It was the unspoken arrangement they had made from the beginning, Izuku went with it as he knew he'd get what he wanted but this was different. He had never engaged in anything with Tomura when he'd been at the very least drunk let alone nearly completely sober like he was now or with a complete stranger watching.

 

All the blood had drained for Izuku's face as he stared open mouthed at the older man. But Tomura took Izuku's fear and hesitation as disobedience and suddenly stood up, stepping into Izuku's personal space and making the younger boy stumble backwards before catching himself. "Are you disobeying me Izuku…?" Tomura hissed in his face. This close Izuku could make out how cracked the other man's skin was, the scratches on his neck and the bags under his eyes. The man's appearance repelled Izuku but fear held him in place as he hurriedly shook his head in response. Before Izuku could think of anything to say a hand wrapped around his throat and he let out a petrified squeak and he felt fingers dig in now unable to speak. 

 

"I'm going to let you go and walk back to my seat.." Tomura whispered with a maniacal touch to his voice, "by the time I've sat back down, you best have started to undress, if not…." he left the sentence hanging but Izuku understood the threat. 

 

After a tense moment where Tomura stared Izuku down, he let the boys throat go leaving fingerprint shaped bruises behind and returned to his seat. Immediately Izuku began working on the buttons to his shirt and threw it to the floor hastily. While Izuku was distracted with his task of undressing a fleeting wicked grin spread across Tomura's face before quickly retraining his features to cool mask of control. 

 

Izuku kicked his shoes and socks off then unbuckled his belt with trembling fingers before dropping his jeans to the floor and kicking them away as well. He became hyper aware of the cuts lacing his arms and thighs, trying to angle his arms to hide to worst of them but knowing there was no hope. He was down to just his boxers now, half hoping Tomura would let him stop there he stole a glance up at the man. Tomura cut through Izuku as they locked eyes and he lowered his gaze to the boys boxers and back up then raised an eyebrow in question. Izuku gulped, and with shaking hands hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers swiftly pulling them down and kicking them away, hoping that the sooner he got it over with the easier it would be. 

 

Izuku stood there, arms wrapped around himself trying to cover himself as best he could. Looking at Tomura he saw the man was examining him thoroughly as he sipped on a glass of dark red wine that had appeared out of nowhere. Stealing a quick glance over towards the dark haired stranger Izuku was dismayed to find the man also staring at him. Now sat on the edge of his seat, leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees and his head in one hand he had a look of rapt attention on his face. 

 

He could feel his face heating up at the embarrassment of this level of scrutiny from the two men. But Izuku's eyes were quickly drawn back to Tomura when he moved, placing the glass down before drawing a tube of something out of his pocket and holding it up, his eyes sparkling with excitement. 

 

"We're going to be testing a new version of my lovely drug tonight Izuku. I hope you don't mind being my little… Guinea pig," Tomura chuckled to himself but Izuku's eyes were fixed on the tube in the man's hand. His body ached at the thought of finally getting the distraction it craved and being able to forget all the drama, pain and embarrassment, even if only for a little while. "You see, there is a huge demand in the market for a milder version of the drug, and I personally feel we could get more people hooked in if we made it easier to consume…" he rolled the tube around in his hand as he spoke, watching Izuku as his eyes followed his every movement.

 

"This is an edible version of the drug, with a much lower concentration, made into a gel. Easy to consume but still with strong side effects." Tomura's eyes glinted at this as he saw Izuku leaning closer as he spoke. Placing the tube down on the table beside him, Tomura quickly unbuckled his trousers and without a word pulled his already hard member out of his trousers. Izuku blinked in surprise and watched as Tomura took the tube and liberally applied it to the full length of his shaft. 

 

Izuku was trembling as he watched the situation unfold in front of him, slowly comprehending what Tomura was expecting of him. Izuku's mind was battling between wanting the drug and his disgust at what he'd have to do to get it. His mind was racing with neither side really winning when Tomura broke through Izuku's reverie, making him jump. "Come." he commanded and Izuku lost the battle in his mind immediately, dropping to his knees and crawling forwards to close the gap between them. 

 

When he was close enough Tomura reached out grabbing Izuku's hair with one hand and guiding him forwards. Hesitantly Izuku stuck out his tongue and made a quick short lick along the shaft, as if testing  the substance. It tasted slightly sweet but it wasn't unpleasant. He opened his mouth and took the start of Tomura's large manhood in, gently licking and starting to bob his head up and down. Within moments Izuku could feel himself beginning to relax, a tingling sensation washed over him and he couldn't remember why he'd been so anxious about doing this. The longer he continued and the more of Tomura and consequently the substance he took in and the more relaxed he became. 

 

Time seemed to slow and Izuku couldn't remember how long he'd been on his knees but he didn't care. His jaw ached slightly but he knew if he could just take Tomura a little deeper he could get the last of the substance from the base of his shaft. He had tried to pull away so he could lick around the base but Tomura had forced his head back down, saying with a growl "Nah ah, you don't get off that easily, you want it, you work for it." 

 

Izuku was determined to get the last of the substance but couldn't force himself to take any more of Tomura's huge length. Every time he tried he'd began gagging and had to pull away. Tomura had finally had enough however, roughly grabbing the back of Izuku's head, he forced himself into the smaller boys throat, earning loud choking noises from him as he held the boy in place. Ignoring his flailing fists and attempts to get away. After a few moments he released into the boys throat, letting out a deep moan of pleasure before shoving the boy away, who immediately flew backwards and landed in a heap on the floor coughing and spluttering as he tried to regain his breath.

 

Tomura let out a dark chuckle and stood up, putting himself away and doing up his jeans. Izuku scrambled to his knees, and clutched at the man's legs, staring up at him with bloodshot eyes. "More… Please...I need more…" Izuku whimpered just stared at the boy with a blank expression.

 

"More of the drug? Or more of me?" Tomura asked bluntly. 

 

Izuku flushed red but quickly answered with "B-both!" The man just rolled his eyes in response.

 

"Get on the bed," Tomura spoke suddenly and Izuku hastily obeyed. As he stood the room swayed around him as lights danced on every surface making it hard to walk. He stumbled onto the bed and fell heavily into a heap before righting himself. As he turned to look for Tomura he found the man leaning over him with no recollection of him moving. Izuku's drug addled brain had begun to play tricks on him as he stared at Tomura, the man's grin twisted and spread across his face stretching to unnatural limits. As he watched the man move he saw disembodied hands crawling over him, grabbing his arms and legs, trying to grope at his face. Then another presence entered his frame of vision and eclipsed Tomura. The dark haired man was on fire, his hands were engulfed in flames and Izuku stared in amazement, unable to comprehend the world around him any longer. 

 

Tomura watched Izuku from the corner of his eye with a slight frown as he set up his next experiment. The dose he'd given him had clearly been stronger than he'd originally anticipated as he could see Izuku tripping on the bed, muttering about hands, flames and dancing lights. As he had set up the iv pole Dabi had walked over and leaned against the wall beside the bed watching his boss work. 

 

"Did you enjoy the show?" Tomura said flatly, Dabi rolled his eyes. 

 

"I'd have preferred to be the one doing the choking," dabi responded dryly and Tomura laughed. 

 

"Finish the task I set you, and I'll let you play with my toy." Dabi grunted in response and walked away from the bed. 

 

Tomura sat down next to muttering boy in the bed and tied off his arm so he could find a vein. 

 

"There's.. A hand… On your face…." Izuku slurred and stretched out his hand and placed it on Tomura's face, making the older man freeze.

 

"Yes Izuku, that would be your hand," He said stiffly and pulled the boys hand off of his face before inserting the needle into the boys arm and hooking up the iv line. 

 

"No!..." Izuku huffed, his eyes drooping closed as the drug from the iv bag began to enter his system. "Not… My hand… They're crawling… and they won't let you…... go…" Izuku's body went limp and his eyes finally closed as the drug took full effect, but Tomura was still frowning at Izuku's words.

 

"You're either very perceptive or very stupid Izuku…" he mumbled as he stood and checked the iv drip. "Well, I hope you enjoy this new method of taking my wonderful drug," he said, a wicked grin spreading across his face as he ran his hand up the unconscious boys thigh and up to his crotch.


End file.
